I've never really hesitated to share my feelings in my little space of the blog-0-sphere. Sometimes forgetting this isn't actually my private journal. I don't really see it going differently as we begin this new, beautiful, unknown, scary, exciting and wonderful journey.
Adoption was something Rob & I talked about back when we were dating as a, "Oh, wouldn't that be amazing?" kind of thing. But, three years ago the Lord turned my heart inside out in an instant for the fatherless. The burden God has placed on my (our) heart(s) has only increased in those years since, and we have spent the last yearish waiting and wondering when the Lord would say, "GO!"
As we drove to our college leaders meeting several Saturdays ago, I certainly had no idea the Lord would reveal Himself the way He did. Rob asked me where my heart had been in regards to adoption lately and we began a conversation that has been happening more and often in recent months. We "planned" to adopt an African American baby boy domestically for our first adoption. While my heart has been in multiple places (particularly Asia), Rob was thinking more about going the domestic route the first time around. He had read Tony Dungee's book about how great the need was for domestic adoptions of African American boys was and it touched him greatly. Meanwhile, I had read quite a bit about it as well, and it just sickened my heart that these boys were in any way thought of as "less." But, we never felt the PEACE to move forward. We both knew, undoubtedly, that we were getting a "not yet."
So, back to the conversation... I shared where my heart had been recently...all the while thinking, "Unless you say you're ready to adopt from Asia, because then just hand me a pen." I then asked him where his heart was and he floored me when he said the Lord had been giving him visions in the past couple of months of a precious one from Asia. My stomach went through the floorboard, the tears came and I turned to him and said (actually I'm pretty sure I yelled), "Are you serious?!?"
When we got to the meeting, our college pastor, JC, said he wanted to start the day by all of us spending an hour alone with the Lord. As I sat overlooking the quiet lake, I tried to still my heart. I didn't want to just throw out my questions and beg for answers. I knew I needed to hush it up and just BE with Him. When I finally felt like it was time to dig, He washed such amazing peace over my heart and through His Word, showed me that ITS TIME. Time to put that seed of faith He planted into action! Time to move... time for Him to set a lonely child in our family. Oh, gracious. There were some tears left on those rocks, I can tell you that!
Psalm 68:5-6 "A father to the fatherless...is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families..."
Meanwhile, Rob was fifty yards away sitting in the woods. He was letting the tears spill out over the ache of the loss of his father. And in asking the Lord to fill the void of that space, God brought it all full circle in a moment of clarity. "The father of the fatherless..." (Psalm 68:5) God awakened Rob's heart in a deeper way to the cry of the orphan, and he knew... ITS TIME.
In an absolutely unexpected moment, the Lord said, "GO!" We have started walking down the beautiful, heartbreaking and miraculous road of adoption... and couldn't be more full of anticipation as we wait for the child (or children...hint hint) God has chosen for our family.
John 14: 18 "I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you."