Wednesday, April 11, 2012


This Redemption House was marked long before the first of the walls ever went up. As a place to restore...redeem...rebuild. And as a place where the Lord dwells.

Our living room floored is marked by a commitment to "never give up meeting together" (Hebrews 10:25). Even though the time sacrifice is great, we are feeling more and more that leading our college group will be a long term part of our lives. We are wrapping up our third year and it has brought some of the most beautiful fruit I have had the pleasure to witness. Many challenges have come... oh my, yes...and the balance of family time & time to devoted to our students is one to walk with careful awareness...but we have seen chains broken & hearts awakened sitting around our kitchen table and many hearts have bled out to find freedom...painful and raw...but LIFE always follows. It us literally unreal to watch the enabling of the Holy Spirit pour through us...because there isn't a SHRED of ourselves that have any place in this leading place.

As for my heart...oh there are markings everywhere. Long before my name was called into the kingdom of Christ I was marked. The very depths of my heart were woven together in an intricate tapestry that even in just the past few weeks of revealing has blown my heart away. Taking ownership of the gifts of faith, wisdom & discernment Ive been gifted with by the hand of my Creator has brought LIFE to places that were feeling forgotten and dark. He has been inviting me into a season of surrender that my flesh has so badly wanted to reject...but He wont let me. The gifts of faith He gave me before time began prepared for this time. He rooted very that the things that shake and shatter this fragile heart will not break the TRUTH that marks me.

I know the best wine is reserved for the depths of the cellar. And I know what the surrender season requires of me...and I cannot think it is TRUE surrender if it doesn't feel like a death. Each Easter season has brought a deeper awakening to my heart in recent years. Whether it is because of our circumstances or age...who knows...but the message on Sunday dug the invitation so deep into my heart I knew the time had come for me to stop trying to halfway enter into the surrender season once more. Truth be told...Im well too familiar with what the dying looks like and felt my heart might just not make it through another one. BUT...the faith & wisdom gifts I received from Him before time began keep my feet firmly on the Rock of Truth entering in that place.

I couldn't go by myself this time. But the one He gave me to walk this life with helped me to enter in. Through the tears, through the shaking, through the death... Rob walks with me. He leads me into this season with prayer and a strong shoulder. And REMINDS me of whats waiting on the other side of the death of myself.

A Living Hope ressurects in my heart. The LIFE cannot be brought up into me until I DIE first. Long before I could even take the risk...I was prepared for this.

So...even though this season brings great shaking...and dangerous hope...I will not be moved. Because my heart is planted by Him. A root so deep no wind is strong enough to dig out.

And as Rob reminded me...ONLY because of Jesus Christ are we not chained to fear, dread or to be anxious about the unknowns...we can CHERISH with great EXPECTATION the promises marked over our daughter and over the building of our family. His goodness will never fail my heart. It will never fail our children. It will NEVER fail our marriage. He is sovereign...and the surrender season brings LIFE born out of dead places.

I will recount. I will remember. I will HOPE.

And even though every door we've tried to walk through has been SLAMMED shut, there is a lonely child(ren)...born or not...that the Lord will set in our family forever. This family is marked by adoption. And He will fulfill that promise in spite of confusion and lack of clarity. So, we begin with blindfolds on... realizing the journey may look far different that we ever expected. Because my confidence is growing more and more that our child(ren) are in a place we may have never chosen on our own.

Well, hello there Philippines. You may just be our yes.

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