Count It All Joy

If You Need to Laugh...

2012-01-28T11:36:00.000-08:00

If you have never heard of Tim Hawkins your life is about to get better...

The first 20 seconds of this next video are amazing. You'll especially enjoy it if you have a boy & a girl.

A Breakfast Treasure

2012-01-18T11:40:00.000-08:00

"Greet one another with a kiss of love."

1 Peter 5:14

"Love one another deeply from the heart."

1 Peter 1:22

A JOY-full song!

2012-01-08T16:40:00.000-08:00

(We just got internet at the new house a few days ago...hence the silence.)

As we brought the last year to a close, I've found myself thinking often of the new song the LORD has given in absolute abundance. And wondering where His hand of great mercy will lead us in this new year. I find my heart stirring the Hope waters & expecting great deliverance. Remembering the unfathomable & pleading for it to continue.

We had a few warm days over Christmas that allowed a wagon ride, complete with an old school stereo belting out the Bing & Frank, with hot chocolate.

If only I could get these two to pretend they like each other...

at least for one picture... :)

We spent much of the break enjoying downtown Christmas festivities...

with Zachary's channeling of Ellen Griswold in his picture taking with Rob... (if you haven't seen Christmas Vacation, you're gonna be lost on that!)

and Buddy the Elf-like delight in giant trees.

We glitzed some cookies...

until Girlfriend realized we were a bunch of jokers wasting our time on the cookies...

and went straight for the good stuff.

Momma tears ran down my cheeks as I held my Redeemed princess in her dark room singing, "Sleep in heavenly peeeeeace..." over and over to her heart's great delight (and mine!).

p.s. Three barstools and they both want to sit in the same one.

Plenty of Christmas REST was to be had...

And a sweet new member of the family enjoyed her first. Meet baby Maya:

Our warrior has been desiring superheroes & space exploration...

Thank you post-Halloween 75% off clearance! And if you've seen him since the 25th...these are the only two versions you've been likely to find of him :)

While the other sweets enjoyed her new pretends.

Uncle Kevin made our big extremely happy when he received a space shuttle (his current obsession). Please note the 99 cent pink calculator Ansley is holding in the bottom left of this picture. We laughed when my mom got the kids little calculators in their stockings, but she kept calling it her i-phone, running her thumbs across the screen and refusing to put it down! (Thanks again Uncle Scott & Aunt Dre for the space helmet!)

Rob & Zachary "hiked" the 1/2 mile ridge through the woods between our house and Jan's.

And brother and sister have been enjoying watching the construction across the street from the playroom window.

And our latest adventure...potty training! I've mentioned how she was forcing me to start and so far...well, its Day 3. Plenty of accidents, plenty of success & a few of her asking on her own. Even though its a pain, ITS A GIFT. I try to remind myself of that when I'm blotting at the rug with cloths & Resolve :)

We will continue to sing & continue to stir!

The Redemption House

2011-11-29T07:45:00.001-08:00

As we prepare to leave this haven home, I can't help but think back on the mercy gifts that have been so lavishly poured out in this place. I see the Lord lifting her up to give her those first steps we knew might never happen. I hear the Heavenly sounds of those first words that were literally the very breath of God on her lips. It's bittersweet to leave this home that has served as a shelter from the storms of the last few years, but we are SO excited to move on to our Redemption House.

The last few weeks... oh my. Sharing our video story at church was surreal, but absolutely amazing. Such a GIFT to tell our story of impossible healing. I can't even tell you how many times I have been laying on the floor pleading for the Lord to lift His limitless hand over her sweet brain...all the while thinking we will never shut up about it if He chooses to grant healing. What a dream it is for us to tell her story. (p.s. still working on trying to get our video on the blog...its a huge file & thus far... not working)

We were invited this past week to a church in the town where Rob teaches to share as well & my grandfather(hes a pastor) also shared it at his church. To know that the Lord foreknew how great the depths of power & mercy He was going to pour out over her when we were in the middle of receiving one devastating diagnosis after another is just more mercy than my heart can hold!

Its completely ironic, but the gratitude looks the same as the pleading. That first year or so, oftentimes I couldnt do anything but soak His feet with my tears and plead for the Holy Spirit to intercede because the pain had no words. He gifted us with the faith to BELIEVE, but we knew in His mercy and sovereignty He may choose to say NO. We are experiencing a greater mercy in this life than I ever could have imagined.

So on another note, we closed on our Redemption House a couple of weeks ago & have been getting it ready to move into. Lots of dinner picnics...

Hide & seek in empty closets...

Bench building...

Bench swinging...

and as of today... boxes abounding.

*****

Girlfriend has a new favorite game. Apparently it's called "Mommy, I'm ready for you to potty train me." She likes to take her diaper off (I'll save you the image...though I do have some!) and sit on the potty and say, "I goin' ta pee-pee." Lovely. Planning on boarding that train once we get settled in the new house.

Zachary got his very own Christmas tree this year and falls asleep everynight staring at it.

So hows that for a random catch up post?? We'll be doing lots of unpacking over the next few days, but hopefully I'll get back to updating more soon!

Stay Tuned...

2011-11-17T10:37:00.000-08:00

Wanted to let ya'll know real quick that I'm trying to get our video uploaded & it's taking some tiiime! Stay tuned and hopefully I'll be able to figure it out soon : )

A microphone & the zoo

2011-10-25T11:18:00.001-07:00

I'll get to the microphone story, but first we'll take a little trip to the zoo. And since visiting just once costs barely less than a year round pass, you may be seeing more zoo pictures in the future : )

Our friends Rachel & "baby Noah" joined us

Girlfriend is not too much bigger than her 16 month old friend!

Such a little stud!

I'll spare you the picture I took of the momma mon..sorry, chimpanzee nursing her baby!

Can we all just agree that sand is the worst ever?! Kids love it though!

*****

So... the microphone. Well, we shot our video for Ansley's story last Wednesday. I'm proud to say that I didn't cry!! I can hardly believe it! I did get choked up a couple of times & Rob cried a bit talking about his dad (who will forever be a HUGE part of Ansley's story), but other than that I was out of my mind EXCITED. The Lord gave us a vision two years ago, and as we sat on our couch shooting the video... it was coming to fruition. Beautiful, glorious... wonderous MERCY & POWER. So much joy I couldnt even attempt to wrap words around it. But, Im confident the LORD will tell HIS story & accomplish HIS PURPOSES for the glory He has revealed in Ansley through our stuttering!

Our videographer spent probably 15-20 minutes trying to get Rob's microphone to work, but it wouldn't. He had tried everything & nothing was working. Of course it had worked just fine when he tested it, but he couldn't get the stinkin thing to turn on! We were looking at having to do our interview seperately, which meant chopping up the flow of just letting the Lord tell her story through our lips. We weren't too excited about that possibility. So the producer said, "Well, lets pray over it!" We all prayed over the microphone & voila... it started working!

It was such an amazing joy & priviledge and I can hardly wait to see it! Our pastor will be sharing it in a couple of weeks to finish up his current series on prayer. We'll put the video up after that :)

The JOY of the Redeemed

2011-10-01T19:59:00.001-07:00

What can we say about the anniversary of this day? We will never forget what it felt like hearing the results of Ansley's MRI. I can remember it like it was an hour ago... BUT, today we celebrated the JOY of redemption. The unending MERCY GIFTS from the One who redeems. October 1st. Our Redemption Day.

Rob got a random teacher appreciation coupon of sorts & we decided to use it & celebrate with the kids. We went to a touristy town an hour-ish from our house to ride go-karts, play games and just celebrate REDEMPTION. Cannot even tell you how much fun we had watching our boy (the redeemed princess was too little for rides) be a little fearless. A far cry from just a year ago when his timid nature sometimes crippled him.

It's hard to tell, but do you think these two like each other?

Wouldn't you know... the place was called the Redemption Center!

Brother loves riding the "racecars". Dont even think about calling them go-karts.

Our redeemed princess. Merciful gifts of LIFE poured out...

When I passed the other car Zachary told me he was proud of me for learning to drive fast like Daddy finally.

Turns out bumper cars isn't as fun when you're the only car on the track!

*****

Our pastor has been graciously mentoring Rob since Dan passed away & has been such an amazing blessing to us. He shared with us when Ansley was just a baby that he wanted to share her incredibly story with the church at some point, but he just didn't know when. Well, the time has come! He is getting ready to start a series on prayer & we will be filming her story here in a few weeks to share with the church body. We are beyond thrilled at any opportunity to speak about the MIGHTY work of the Lord in her life and I will not cry. I will not cry. Do you think if I say it enough it will help?? :)

Thankful.

Rejoicing Hearts.

JOY of the REDEEMED.

Beyond Explaining

2011-09-22T10:51:00.000-07:00

"It's remarkable. It's just... it's remarkable."

Though we wouldn't have quite labeled ourselves as nervous this morning, my hand still shook while I was filling out Ansley's paperwork. We just can't be in that office and remain unaffected by the previous two years. But... we sat hopeful. Shaking, but hopeful. Remembering not to make her neurologist's words an idol, but to rest in where our Hope comes from and KNOW that her Creator determines what her brain will be capable of.

Ansley sat on Rob's lap with her "A,B,C,D book", as she refers to it, and showed him the words God has put into her mouth. He remarked about his notes from our last appointment that were indicative of her having significant language delays/disabilities and commented on how astounding and remarkable her vocal gains had been. But, I think the puzzle is what got him. He watched in amazement as she followed our direction of picking each specific shape up, by both color & shape name, and placed it in it's proper position.

"This is just remarkable."

He was astounded not only that she knew her numbers, letters & etc, but that she said everything so clearly. He commented that it was certainly beyond crediting therapy to her gains. Her progress was beyond explaining. He felt quite certain she may very well not qualify for any special assistance at school through her county testing next summer. (Side note: I'm not sure I've ever mentioned this before, but it's a test we've known about and been praying for since she entered Early Intervention Services. It's a county test at the age of three to test overall development for entering the school system.) We've heard every therapist she has ever had say the exact same thing, but hearing it from the neurologist was... well, remarkable!

So, we continue on. We will never lose hope that through the Lord's mighty hand of strength and mercy that He will continue to deliver her. Thank to those of you who have chosen to believe with us from the beginning. You are a rare jewel to us. You just have no idea how grateful we are to you. Thankful for the gift of rejoicing today!

Thursday

2011-09-19T11:48:00.000-07:00

Oh my word, it would take a lot to give a full update on the past few months... and since we all know how well I did keeping up with the 'Summer Adventure Series', we'll just hit a few highlights!

Crayons galore, people. All day. Everyday.

Ansley's therapist brought Zachary some Hulk gloves (and mask & costume!) and we are all about some superhero fun around here!

p.s. Girlfriend packs a mean "Hulk maaash!"

Sibling love (with some splashes of rivalry) as usual...

Ohhh, my not so little man had his last, first day of Pre-K. We made the decision long ago (with the late summer b-day) to wait on Kindergarten. Oh, I am soaking in this last year with him at home!!

And can I just say... Sass-a-frass is in full force around these parts! And we love it!

Thursday is our bi-annual neurology appointment. I'm not nervous, Im not entirely excited... but Im eager. The last time we saw him, he said he didn't believe normal language development would be possible for her. Among other things... The further we walk down this road, the more the Lord build the confidence in us in His Word, His power... His mercy. While her neurologist is the expert, and I don't believe he has been wrong about anything... her Maker has the final word and THAT is why Ansley is where she is. Her doctor knows the brain & certainly knows what Ansley's would have most likely been capable of... if ever. But... it is because of the strength of God's outstretched arm and His lifted hand of mercy towards our cries for her that we walk in that office on Thursday with confident hope.

We will take her beloved magna-doodle & show him how she recognizes (and says) all her letters and numbers. We will show him how she can draw an 'x' and circle. We will take her puzzle to show him how she follows the direction to grab each shape & place it where it belongs. And even if he speaks words over her again that take life away, we know where our Help comes from. We are confident that the LORD GOD ALMIGHTY will continue to deliver her. We know its impossible, but we will continue to believe. He has delivered her thusfar, and I will risk everything to believe in His great, unmeasurable power & mercy to continue to do so! Come, Lord Jesus.

(As you know if you've been following us for awhile, these appointments can sometimes be very difficult to get through emotinally, so we would immensely appreciate your prayers!!)

Matthew 19:26 "Jesus said to them, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

Babe of my Heart

2011-09-01T20:22:00.000-07:00

I'm going to just let you know that within the first 15 seconds you are probably going to want to "x" out of this video. If your heart is beating, it's going to feel an ache. KEEP WATCHING. Redemption stories will wash over you. THIS is why. This is why, as the body of believers in Jesus Christ, we are commanded to care for orphans in their distress. I understand not everyone is called to adoption, but we are all called to do something.

(Turn up your volume...love this song. My word, has He turned our dust into beautiful things!)

It's time to tell you...

2011-08-25T11:50:00.000-07:00

Deep breath.

I've never really hesitated to share my feelings in my little space of the blog-0-sphere. Sometimes forgetting this isn't actually my private journal. I don't really see it going differently as we begin this new, beautiful, unknown, scary, exciting and wonderful journey.

Adoption was something Rob & I talked about back when we were dating as a, "Oh, wouldn't that be amazing?" kind of thing. But, three years ago the Lord turned my heart inside out in an instant for the fatherless. The burden God has placed on my (our) heart(s) has only increased in those years since, and we have spent the last yearish waiting and wondering when the Lord would say, "GO!"

As we drove to our college leaders meeting several Saturdays ago, I certainly had no idea the Lord would reveal Himself the way He did. Rob asked me where my heart had been in regards to adoption lately and we began a conversation that has been happening more and often in recent months. We "planned" to adopt an African American baby boy domestically for our first adoption. While my heart has been in multiple places (particularly Asia), Rob was thinking more about going the domestic route the first time around. He had read Tony Dungee's book about how great the need was for domestic adoptions of African American boys was and it touched him greatly. Meanwhile, I had read quite a bit about it as well, and it just sickened my heart that these boys were in any way thought of as "less." But, we never felt the PEACE to move forward. We both knew, undoubtedly, that we were getting a "not yet."

So, back to the conversation... I shared where my heart had been recently...all the while thinking, "Unless you say you're ready to adopt from Asia, because then just hand me a pen." I then asked him where his heart was and he floored me when he said the Lord had been giving him visions in the past couple of months of a precious one from Asia. My stomach went through the floorboard, the tears came and I turned to him and said (actually I'm pretty sure I yelled), "Are you serious?!?"

When we got to the meeting, our college pastor, JC, said he wanted to start the day by all of us spending an hour alone with the Lord. As I sat overlooking the quiet lake, I tried to still my heart. I didn't want to just throw out my questions and beg for answers. I knew I needed to hush it up and just BE with Him. When I finally felt like it was time to dig, He washed such amazing peace over my heart and through His Word, showed me that ITS TIME. Time to put that seed of faith He planted into action! Time to move... time for Him to set a lonely child in our family. Oh, gracious. There were some tears left on those rocks, I can tell you that!

Psalm 68:5-6 "A father to the fatherless...is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families..."

Meanwhile, Rob was fifty yards away sitting in the woods. He was letting the tears spill out over the ache of the loss of his father. And in asking the Lord to fill the void of that space, God brought it all full circle in a moment of clarity. "The father of the fatherless..." (Psalm 68:5) God awakened Rob's heart in a deeper way to the cry of the orphan, and he knew... ITS TIME.

In an absolutely unexpected moment, the Lord said, "GO!" We have started walking down the beautiful, heartbreaking and miraculous road of adoption... and couldn't be more full of anticipation as we wait for the child (or children...hint hint) God has chosen for our family.

John 14: 18 "I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you."

SOLD!

2011-07-31T19:17:00.001-07:00

It only took two YEARS, but we have finally found a house! We are moving to a smaller, more quiet area of town and are so excited as we have been looking forever! One thing I LOVE is that because it's new construction, we got to go write scripture all over the foundation.

Rob checking out an area where he spends a lot of time... the back porch!

Bubbs and Sweets have been loving running around in the dirt.

Joshua 24:15 "...Choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve...But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD."

A Friend in Need

2011-07-23T10:44:00.000-07:00

As of yesterday, Dan has been rejoicing in the presence of his savior for one year. Dancing, undoubtedly. Though it was up for debate whether he would receive rhythm in his two left feet upon receiving his new, heavenly body : ) And in case you are lost on what I mean, scripture talks about believers receiving new bodies in Heaven (1 Cor. 15:42–44, 48, and 54; Phil. 3:21 ).

It still feels like it was an hour ago. When someone is so heavily a part of your life, (obviously me... much less so than Jan, Rob & his brothers) it is hard to feel like they aren't just going to come walking back through the door at any moment. When Rob and I were talking about it a few nights back, he had an interesting thought.... he wondered if maybe it doesn't fully feel like he is gone because through our faith in Jesus Christ, we know he is fully alive. His soul is certainly more alive than our's are! Afterall, what is a body without a soul? Its because of the Bible's promise of eternal life in Heaven, through belief in Jesus Christ as our savior, that we know Dan has received his eternal reward.

Dan lived to serve others. And in light of his heart, today... I plead with you to lift up the precious Raby family in prayer. To say they have been through a lot would be a gross understatement. Jared, a youth pastor at one of our area churches, and his wife, Sara, were expecting twins in the spring of 2010. However, in early December of 2009, Sara received an emergency c-section to save the lives of both Sara and their twins because of the threat of preeclampsia. Ethan and Addison were born weighing just under one pound each. They survived by the mighty strength and gracious hand of our God.

For the next eighteen months, Jared and Sara continued to document the victories and challenges, however big or little, (and there have been plenty of both) continually giving the Lord the glory for every deliverance and gift of life he granted the twins. The Lord has given them the steadfast faith to endure the journey he has laid out before them. And they have been faithful to proclaim His name through it all.

Just a few weeks ago, Ethan began having some difficulties. After a visit to the pediatrician, Ethan was immediately sent to the children's hospital under the suspicion of leukemia. While his tests came back negative, they received a diagnosis of Aplastic Anemia. A condition where the bone marrow does not produce new, healthy blood cells. He was diagnosed as severe, and the condition was just as intense as if it had been leukemia. However, labs came back that Ethan in fact had Myelodysplastic Syndrome (or MDS ). It is very rare in pediatrics and in Ethan's case, severe and life threatening. Ethan's best chance for a cure is a bone marrow/ stem cell transplant. They are currently waiting for a matched donor. Upon receival, Ethan will be heading to the best Children's hospital available to receive chemotherapy, his transplant and recovery.
Would you please, please, pray that a matching donor would be found quickly and that Ethan would remain healthy and strong as they wait? He needs a match quickly, because there is a high probablity of this particular illness to turn into leukemia.

If you have been following our journey with Ansley from the beginning, you have seen the glory of the Lord's outstretched arm and you have seen it's limitless nature of power. Jared and Sara have also witnessed the same immeasurable amounts of the Lord's mercy and power poured out over their twins in the last eighteen months. Oh, how I ask you to plead with fervor at the feet of Jesus for this precious family. Would you pray not only for Ethan, but for his sweet twin sister Addison as well during this time? Would you pray for the Lord to sweep Jared and Sara off their feet in a flood of his presence and peace? They rest in the knowledge of knowing Jesus intercedes for them, but they need the body of believers to come around them in support and prayer for their family during this difficult time. Thanks ya'll. So much.

My Hiding Place

2011-07-11T22:39:00.000-07:00

Psalm 32:7-8 "You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance."

On nights like tonight, there is nowhere else to run. I can do nothing but curl up at the foot of His throne. The tension releases as I let the tears spill out and the sobs do their shaking. Because He desires my heart. He desires me to lay it down at his feet because there is nowhere else to put it. And though my flesh may fail me, I serve a God who does not grow tired or weary (Isaiah 40:28). He promises to grant strength in my weariness and to increase my power, through Him, when I am weak(Isaiah 40:29). He makes this parched, thirsty heart bubble up like a spring. Not because I deserve it, but because He loves His children extravagantly. And He delights in rescuing my heart (Psalm 22:8).

This evening was difficult to walk through, to say the least. We knew Ansley may never utter a word. She speaks clearly and identifies all 26 letters of the alphabet. NOTHING but the lifting hand of mercy and compassion of our Lord could have done this. We knew she may never take a step on her own. My God has lifted the lame to make her leap like a deer. He has turned our 'wailing into dancing' more than we could count. He has made our hearts leap for joy and we will give thanks to Him forever. But sometimes our enemy doesn't just throw stones to trip us up... he heaves the biggest boulder he can find. And tonight, it crushed me. It did. I can't do this and not be honest. I can't put on a parade of "having it all together" during the moments when the reality sinks deep. But you know what? I have a God who "is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit" (Psalm 34:18). He gives me the strength to lift my hand in praise when I'm too broken to speak. Because He never lets go.

My love gave me the time I needed to process alone, and then he held me and let me share my fears and pain. And then, he went to battle on my behalf. On behalf of our family. And like a carrot leads a horse, he blinded me to anything but the sword of truth. He bound the enemy's plans against us by the power of the name of Jesus Christ... and the more he prayed, the more the Spirit began to stir. Swirling hope and a renewed spirit to bring my feet back to a march. And He gave us the strength to keep believing in His word, because there is nothing else worth listening to. And because when my flesh fails, and this world brings trouble...there is NO other hope, but the hope of the saving grace of Jesus Christ. Marantha.

Summer Adventure Series-Z's Bday (Day 1)

2011-07-06T18:08:00.000-07:00

We want to always make sure (in light of Ansley's birthday celebrations) that Zachary knows his birthday is just as important, just as special...just as worth celebrating in a big way. Well, we had a hotel voucher and a few random giftcards, so we decided to take Zachary on a special birthday trip to our favorite place!! We waited til the morning of his birthday to tell him and he was ecstatic!

We started our day at the kids museum and pretty much stayed the whole day... this place is SO MUCH FUN!!!

Water fun...

"Little Yellow House" fun...

Girlfriend could play on a slide all day long. All day long...

Whatever it takes to get the job done. This boy watches his Daddy thats for sure!

HOW is my boy all grown up and turning FIVE?!!! Everytime I look at him he gets bigger. I am SOAKING UP my snuggles and Mommy lovin time because I know the clock is ticking til my boy doesn't want hugs & kisses from Mommy!

Our hotel certificate said "king", but the concierge bumped us to a suite! Holla! Always nice to not have to sit in the hallway once the kids go to bed! Oops, just realized I deleted the living room portion and Rob is asleep. Your imagination is going to have to hold you over on what the other side of the room looked like : )

Finishing off day one with a birthday dinner. Complete with cake, of course!

Oh my goodness, we love this kid more than words could express. The instant I saw him and became a mother was really one of the most beautiful, breathtaking moments of my life. Absolute love like I'd never known. A wise mentor, Toni, encouraged me long ago to view the strong willed nature the Lord gave him as something God could use for good. She encouraged us to pray that the Lord would use the fighter spirit that he has to be a warrior for the kingdom of God. How dramatically that view can change everything! It turns something that presents tough discipline challenges for parents into something the Lord uses for good. Not to mention... refines the character of the parent as they attempt to discipline IN LOVE. As the Lord disciplines us. We definately don't always succeed with this... but its certainly the goal ; )

Happy Birthday Bud, Buddy, Buddy-O, Bubbs, Bub-a-lub, Brother, "Brover", "Bubba", "Zac-a-wee", Dude, our Zachary (We have lots of pet names in this house!) WE LOVE YOU LIKE CRAZY!!!

*Scroll down for Day Two*

Summer Adventure Series - Z's Bday (Day 2)

2011-07-06T17:27:00.000-07:00

We woke up the next morning and took a nice stroll along the water. You know I cant resisit my walking from behind pictures : )

One of our favorite things... the waterfall stairs!!

I mean seriously... look how big my boy is!!!

Up next, birthday lunch on a boat!

That was mostly spent on the INSIDE, second level... so the kids could run free ; )

Bubbs got to go in the captain's room and watch him steer the boat!

Rob said when the captain honked the boat's horn, the boy in the green shirt said it sounded like the boat was farting. Zachary and the boy burst into laughter and Rob said the grandmother looked like she was going to pass out! Haha! I've tried to avoid his ears hearing that version of the word for as long as I can, but I mean... he is a boy afterall. And it has been my experience that they never seem to outgrow thinking its funny... : )

Can I tell you that my lovebug decided that the pac-n-play just wasn't going to work for her anymore, so she was up the WHOLE night. Seriously, the WHOLE night. She was about to fall asleep mid-run... I kid you not. She got to the point where she just wanted to be held and snuggled. Yes, please! We'll take snuggly babes anytime!

As I've mentioned before, Rob and I lived in our "fav place" for the first year after we got married. For the first few months, Rob worked at a local coffee shop. He would often come home with a latte for him and a frozen mango tea drink for me. We always pop in on our way out of town to grab them!

And in case you're wondering, Ansley didn't even make it from the hotel to the coffee shop before she was OUT COLD. Clippie ripped out of the hair, shoes off... and OUT.

We seriously have the best kids. We are so blessed to be their parents!

*Scroll down for Zachary's BIG Birthday Reveal*

Zachary's Present Reveal!

2011-07-06T17:17:00.000-07:00

Can I just tell you how many hours it took to make this thing?! 107. Thats how it felt anyway. In reality it was two long days of building and 10+ hours of priming, taping, and taping and painting. Our boy has been going strong with his love of all things firefighter for about three years, so needless to say... he was ELATED to have his very own fire station.

His little toddler bed is coming out of the garage for decoration... well and for saving lives, too. He sleeps up top.

Oh, and p.s. Girlfriend can climb TO THE TOP ring of the ladder in about 3 seconds. Oh my lands.

Zachary's Party

2011-07-03T20:46:00.001-07:00

My boy turned FIVE!! His party day was at a splash park of sorts. He could NOT have been more excited!

Ansley is all about Baby Noah time. She even lets him sit in her comfy chair : )

All Zachary wanted was a Superman cape. Even though he has never seen any type of Superhero book, movie etc... he is all about it right now!

How many five year olds does it take to figure out a water gun?

Bubs is NOT a fan of water in his eyes, so this binocular type deal is how he copes. Oh, that boy!

Here is a sneak preview (and clue) to Zachary's birthday present. OH.MY.WORD. This thing took us for-ev-er (think Sandlot). It was so worth it to see how much he has enjoyed it!

Stay tuned for the reveal and our next Summer Adventure Series - Zachary's BirthDAY edition. And yes, I know I've been a total blog slacker, and no, we have not only had one summer adventure. I'll catch up, I promise!!

Ansley's 2nd Birthday - Our God Saves!

2011-06-24T10:33:00.000-07:00

*Sorry this took so long to get up... a storm knocked out our internet for a few days!*

Here is THE present that Rob and I worked on forever! He did the building and I did the finishing. The picture is kind of dark, but I love the way it turned out!

I have to thank my mom and (my sister in law's mom) Connie for doing the sewing while Claire and I watched. I did iron the seams, though!

Brother was VERY excited about the lap doodle writer he got Ansley. She is ob.sessed with these things!

"Strengthen the feeble hands..." I am not bragging on my girl, I am bragging on my God. Ansley's hands have started holding her writing utensils more like a pencil than just with a fist.

Can you hear the water in this picture??

I'm not kidding when I say these two are so in love with each other. Zachary's giving Ansley a kiss on her hand.

Getting ready for the polka dot party!

We did a sparkling juice toast again and oh dear... I cried worse than last year I'm afraid.

I tried to read the passage we found last year in Isaiah 35 title The Joy of the Redeemed. It is talking about the future glory of Zion and we have seen, with our own eyes, so much of the Lord's glory of this passage revealed in Ansley. It is so specific to the developmental struggles and problems associated with microcephaly and the cross of Jesus Christ has SHATTERED them. What a sweet song to sing! So, you can see why I could barely read it!

Isaiah 35

"The desert and the parched land will be glad;

the wilderness will rejoice and blossom.

Like the crocus, it will burst into bloom;

it will rejoice greatly and shout for jy.

they will see the glory of the LORD,

the splendor of our God.

Strengthen the feeble hands,

steady the knees that give way;

say to those with fearful hearts,

"Be strong, do not fear;

your God will come."

Then will the eyes of the blind be opened

and the ears of the deaf unstopped.

Then will the lame leap like a deer,

and the mute tongue shout for joy.

Water will gush forth in the wilderness

and streams in the desert.

They will enter Zion with singing;

everlasting joy will crown their heads.

Gladness and joy will overtake them,

and sorrow and sighing will flee away."

Oh, my God... how He has saved our sweet!!!

She loves her Grandma Jan!

She did not kid with her cupcake!!

She opened presents and was of course *captivated* by a new phone.

Probably tweeting about her party...

Sharing a little toast of her own with her main man, Daddy.

Thank you to everyone who came to celebrate with us. It was certainly a day of rejoicing and overwhelmingly thankful hearts! All praise and glory to God!

THE present!

2011-06-14T19:50:00.000-07:00

Can you guess what we have been working on for Little Miss? I CANNOT WAIT!!! I don't know how she'll feel about it (kidding), but I sure love it!!

Summer Adventure Series I

2011-06-11T11:16:00.000-07:00

Our first summer adventure was heading downtown to some of the fountains. Girlfriend's favorite game at home of splashing in the sink turned sour when she saw the giant streams of water leaping from the ground!

"Maybe I can reach it from here..."

A little coaxing from "Zach-a-wee" and Daddy did not help!

Brother, who is typically timid around the H2O, dove right in!

Well, he is still NOT a fan of water in his face, but hey... we're making progress!

Ansley clutched to Rob for dear life for the first half hour

But, once GF realized the water was not actually trying to take her out it was game on!

I even had a great chat with a mom we recognized from church!
A good time was had by all : )

You're Invited!

2011-06-07T14:05:00.001-07:00

It's time to celebrate!! We are going to be having Ansley's 2nd Celebration and ya'll are invited again! We are doing the same thing as last year... an open house starting at 6:00 (there will be dinner) for everyone who has so faithfully supported and prayed for us over these last two years. I tear up even writing this because her celebration last year feels like yesterday. We were so overwhelmed with all that God had granted her and this year is no different. The mercy God has extended in answering our prayers for Ansley is beyond words. We find ourselves in the same position as we were so often in our early pleadings for her. There is nothing more do to but drop to our knees with our hands held high and let the tears fall, knowing that Jesus is interceding for us. There are no words that could express gratitude to our King for how he has rescued our daughter. There are no words to show how thankful we are for the power he has poured out on Ansley's behalf.

I remember when we were standing in front of our Jericho with our families, I prayed that God would touch her lips and give her words, so that she could speak His name and tell of his mighty acts in her. That is my greatest desire for her life. And here we stand, two years into this unbelievable journey with a daughter who is a medical phenomenon. I will never let it be said that the doctors were wrong. Our pediatrician has never been wrong about Ansley's brain. Our neurologist has certainly never been wrong about Ansley's brain. It is that God's power is stronger, that name of Jesus is capable of all things and He has graciously chosen to summon his power on behalf of Ansley and our pleas for her.

So, we hope to see you next Friday! If you need details, email us at countingalljoys@yahoo.com We would LOVE to see you!! You are welcome to stay the whole time, or just drop in and say hey for a bit. And again, no presents. Your love and support is gift enough!

Low Tide

2011-05-30T04:35:00.000-07:00

Jordan and I were talking the other day about this very, very different season of life that God has brought us into (at least for the time being). The last two and a half years have been marked by unbelievable struggle, sadness, desperation...and yes, deliverance. We have spent so much time facedown on the floor--bruised, battered, and broken. Sleepless nights, endless questions, appointment after appointment, Dad's funeral, and on, and on. It seemed like every time we got our footing, something else would knock us off of our feet. Jordan thought up the perfect analogy of what the last couple years have been like: We talked about how our life has felt like a rocky beach-head. Wave after wave, crashing into us: Dad's cancer, Ct Scan, Neurologist, MRI, Dad's unsuccessful surgery, Developmental delays, Muscular issues, Physical therapy, intense feeding issues, a fever that led to a 4 night stay at Children's hospital, fine motor delays, Occupational Therapy, more delays, Dad heading home to heaven, vision issues, glasses and on and on... Everytime we survived the latest wave, the next one would come crashing into us. Over, and over, and over, for two and a half years. Then, very poetically, Jordan kind of laughed and said to me: "I think for the first time in two and half years, the tide has gone down." So true... There are still waves, but they are much shallower, smaller, and less daunting.

Before publishing this post, I read a cool verse this morning that made me think of God's faithfulness to us on this journey over the past couple years. I thought I'd share it: "I made the sand a boundary for the sea, an everlasting barrier it cannot cross. The waves may roll, but they cannot prevail; they may roar, but they cannot cross it." (Jer. 5:22, NIV) It was really an awesome moment to think about how we compared our difficult and devastating past two years to waves crashing into us--yet the waves cannot prevail, they cannot cross the barrier the Lord has established! He has faithfully kept the waves from going one millimeter beyond His sovereign plan. Though there were definitely times we felt like we were drowning...looking back we can see that He was always sustaining us, always rescueing us, always keeping the roaring waves at bay. Praise God.

For the last couple months we almost don't know what to do with ourselves. We find ourselves bracing for impact when sea around us is surprisingly calm. Ansley is doing AMAZING! She is speaking--clear, understandable, two and three word sentences! She is putting her own thoughts together in words (versus repeating known phrases). Just yesterday, she picked up a ball and brought it over to her brother and said: "Zac-a-wee phrow it." Or, running over to the fridge and saying: "Wan milk pease." IT IS AMAZING! Still, today, each of her words is sweet music to our ears...since we spent a solid year and a half wondering if she would ever be able to speak at all. We all cried at her first birthday because against every estimation and every specialist's prediction, Ansley was age-appropriate. Here we are, one year later, speechless as we head into her second birthday with a fully age-appropriate two year old! How great is our God!

So, we find ourselves in what feels like unchartered territory. We almost don't know what to do with life being this...easy. To be honest, it is a little uncomfortable for us. We spent so long living in such a desolate and desperate state, that moving through these calmer waters almost feels a little weird. We have posted so little recently because we are truly at a loss of words. Amazed at what Christ has done, soaking up the goodness of His compassion and mercy on Ansley and us, but above all, we are humbled that He would do SO MUCH for our daughter. But, as we have enjoyed the countless blessings that God has graciously chosen to bestow upon us, we were convicted of two things.

1. We have been called to continue telling Ansley's story. It's kind of funny--you would think it would be easy to talk about how great everything is going versus the struggle, but it isn't. It is hard to get on our blog and say: "Look at how awesome everything is going." Part of that is the cunning of our enemy who want this story untold, and then there are issues of pride, but there is also a sensitivity to how many people we have met along the way who are hurting in deep places. However, we have been called to tell the story of God's limitless power to redeem and restore to anyone who will listen. So, we will rest and enjoy this very wonderful season of seeing Ansley's development soar through Christ's power.

2. We must fight against the tendecy to forget all that we learned in the heat of battle. So often in the Bible, God told His people that as soon as the going gets good...you will forget Me. (Hos. 13:6) We don't want this to happen to us. We don't want to regress to who we were three years ago. Please pray for us in this manner: That things going well would not cause us to shift the car into neutral and coast (which is always our tendency). It's a weird balance. On the one hand, we need to enjoy all God's blessings poured out in our life, but on the other, we can't let this season weaken our resolve to pray passionately.

***Hey, it's Jordan. Im hijacking Rob's post to tell you a few quick things. I am about to start a "Summer Adventures Series" to chronicle everything we do this summer. As most of you know, Rob is a teacher, so summer is an incredibly FUN time for our family.
Second, it's that time of the year again! Birthday season is upon us and I will be giving yall your invitation for our celebration very soon!
Oh, and also... THANK YOU so, so much for all of your sweet emails and facebook messages after my last post. They meant so much to me and were so encouraging!

Acting Foolish?

2011-05-27T11:51:00.000-07:00

We are overwhelmed by His graciousness, by the mercy of his hand lifted, by his POWER poured out, by his answers of YES to our pleas...

I haven't posted in ages, because everytime I sit to write I cannot find the words. I sat down just last night and just deleted all of it. It just can't adequately express the cry of our hearts.

There has been a lot of criticism and opposition in the past two years, but I have to be honest... our care and concern with it becomes less and less. Does it affect us? Yes, we are human afterall. But, we do not stand accountable to anyone's opinion of whether or not we are taking God's word out of context, misusing it to get what we want or just being unrealistic. We stand accountable to our King who has called us to "not fear, only BELIEVE." From minute one we have praised our LORD who has given and taken away. We surrender to his sovereignty always, but I believe God desires his people to live in a way that portrays belief that His WORD IS TRUE and that He is as big and powerful as he says he is. I believe he desires us to risk everything for the sake of the glory of the name of Jesus Christ. I don't believe he desires us to pray in a way that protects ourselves from looking wrong if he doesn't answer the way we want or in the way we think he operates. I believe he desires us to take him at his word and live and pray accordingly. For HIS purposes and for HIS glory. Sometimes that is miserably difficult, but we are called to REJOICE in him and that doesn't always equal happiness.

I remember talking to Dan early on about some fears I had with starting a public blog. The main one being fearing people would just think we were being foolish to believe in the way we felt the Lord leading us to (and that has certainly happened!). He gave me a verse that continues to encourage us in 1 Corinthians about being "fools for Christ's sake." He encouraged us that when the opposition comes, and assured it would, that God gave Rob and I, as Ansley's parents, the faith in Christ to carry out the call he placed on our hearts. He encouraged us to block out anyone else's opinion that contradicted God's word. It has certainly been hard, as it is meant to be, but the mercy with which He has chosen to answer our specific prayers and display his strength and power in Ansley... worth it all a million times over. Worth the eye rolling, worth the blank stares, worth the annoyance, worth the ridicule. "FOOLISH" behavior the sake of GLORY. WORTH IT.
********

Meanwhile, SUMMER has just begun, and its gonna be a good one!

I said smile regular, and this is what I got. My (ALMOST 5 YEAR OLD!!!) boy, and my word I love him, he is a NUT!

p.s. this came with a roar

And... girlfriend's most fav activity. "Hand, hand....wawa ON!!!"

So, we choose to BELIEVE. We will continue to "act foolishly", because it's for GLORY and because He said so!
...and double p.s. Whenever I put foolish in quotations, Im not referring to anything someone said to us, Im referencing the 1 Corinthians passage of being "fools for Christ's sake.

(And FOR REAL, my blogger has a mind of its own! Sorry, I cant get the spacing to work right for the life of me!!)

Spriiiiiing!

2011-04-18T12:40:00.001-07:00

On St. Patick's Day, Rob went camping with a friend, so the kids and I decided to have a sleepover at Grammy and Pappy's.

Dont be fooled by pastel birds and ruffles, girlfriend is a biker chick.

Catching up on texts..

Brother doesn't mind a little pink purse goodness in his life...

Grammy helped Zachary turn juice into St. Patrick's Day juice with the help of green food coloring.

Pappy taught Zachary how to play badminton (and yes, that is how you spell it).

Lookin' for deer tracks...

Rob always messes with me because I love pictures of him and the kids walking from behind, but whatevs... I love this picture.

Playing on Pappy's "Bridge to Nowhere". Back and forth

and back and forth I'm telling you!

So, the Bubbs is utterly obsessed with Grammy's ipad....

By the way, is is weird that my four year old knows how to play angry birds and I don't??

The Cry of My Heart

2011-04-10T11:54:00.000-07:00

From the depths of our souls, LORD.

We wait for you, with hands held high in PRAISE, for you to move this mountain

as you have done before. As your word says and by the strength of your MIGHTY right hand, You are ABLE, LORD. Your power and strength are greater.

For your GLORY, Lord Jesus.

What is your mountain??

One Day Without

2011-04-06T11:50:00.000-07:00

147 Million Orphans hosted an event for National Barefoot Day on April 5, 2011. It was created by TOMS to raise awareness for the children globally who are prone to (preventable) infection and disease because of their lack of shoes and proper foot care. Since we don't live anywhere near Nashville (and our college group meets on Tuesdays), we encouraged our group to participate and had our own no shoes day with our students!

Also, be sure to check out the new spring line at 147. It's super cute stuff and the proceeds directly help to FEED, provide medication and CLEAN water for those who ARE WITHOUT.

"...once our eyes are opened, we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know, and holds us responsible to act." Proverbs 24:12

Makin' Soup

2011-04-02T15:40:00.000-07:00

First, you get the "pot" ready...

Then, you gather your eager "ingredients."

Next, toss the ingredients in the pot.

Sometimes, the ingredients run away... so you have to chase after them

and toss them back in the pot.

Next, stir it up reeeaaal good.

Then... eat!!!

And thats how Daddy "makes soup."

The Vision Consultation

2011-03-31T10:24:00.000-07:00

Isaiah 63:9

"In all their distress he too was distressed,

and the angel of his presence saved them.

In his love and mercy he redeemed them;

he lifted them up and carried

them all the days of old."

When she knocked on the door, I noticed she was armed with a box big enough to carry a small child, so I wasn't entirely sure what to expect. As we sat down, I caught her up to speed on all of Ansley's vision problems. She then began questioning me about whether or not Ansley was able to do certain tasks.

"Does she seem to hesitate when crossing from one floor surface to another?"

"Does she seem to have trouble picking up small items, like cheerios, and grasp them on the first try?"

"Does she have trouble seeing items of similar color?

Such as a cheerio on a high chair tray or a light switch on it's plate?"

She continued on down her list with my response continuing to be the same. No, no, no... After about fifty questions (no joke) she began to shake her head and smile. She looked up at Mrs. A (Ansley's main weekly therapist) and said something we have heard from every therapist Ansley has ever seen, "Why am I here?!" Mrs. A looked over at me and smiled a knowing smile and said "I ask myself that question all the time!" I felt that familiar prodding from the Lord and began to share the power of prayer and faith in Jesus, along with the compassion, mercy and power he has showered over Ansley. Blank stare. Not an unusual response I tell you!

After a lot more questions, the vision consultant went to the floor to begin her "tests". Ansley had already discovered the giant box of toddler goodness, so the consultant got girlfriend's attention and they began. She passed one test after another with the appropriate vision responses. The consultant (Mrs. K) began to laugh again, talking about how she had never had a child pass all the tests and not seem to have any vision related difficulties. Mrs. K mentioned how sweet and enjoyable it was to play with Ansley, and mid laugh she said, "You know, sometimes I just forget what it's like to play with a normal toddler." I jerked up a little straighter as our therapist reached out to touch my knee. When I looked up at her she had tears in her eyes and said, "Did you hear that, Momma?" I couldn't make my lips move through the shock, but I verbally nodded while the tears spilled out onto my lap.

As the session came to a close, Mrs. K said we would definately not be needing her services because she had no suggestions to even give. Ansley didn't need any help with her vision.

My God, my God how you rescue and save!!!

Jeremiah 29:13-14 "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the LORD, and will bring you back from captivity. "

We had a really difficult few days adjusting to Ansley's glasses. But now, the Lord has just lifted us up out of that dark place and set our feet up high again. Then he displays his delight in rescuing our hearts by granting us with the amazing gift of the consultation.

My sweet sweet is the the most precious angel I have ever laid my eyes on. It is truly indescribable the depths of JOY the LORD pours through her. Anyone who has ever been around her knows exactly what I mean.

If I had a thousand words, I could not tell you of the anguish our souls have walked through in the past 21 months. But, there could never be words to describe the JOY and the PEACE and the RESTORATION the Lord lifts us up with again; the praise HE HAS FILLED OUR HEARTS with (nothing of our own ability) to lift up as a sweet aroma before His mighty throne.

Psalm 145:18-21

"The LORD is near to all who call on him,

to all who call on him in truth.

He fulfills the desires of those who fear him;

he hears their cry and saves them.

the LORD watched over all who love him, but the wicked he will destroy.

My mouth will speak in praise of the LORD. Let every creature praise his holy name for ever and ever."

(By the way, blogger has gone nutty and I cannot for the life of me get my formatting to correct, so excuse the weirdness of the spacing and what not- thankyabye)

Sigh

2011-03-26T14:51:00.001-07:00

"You are God alone

From before time began

You were on Your throne

You are God alone

And right now

In the good times and bad

You are on Your throne

You are God alone ."

-Phillips, Craig & Dean

Well, it was this brownish-orange or peach. (Peach glasses are in high demand??!) I'm thinking we might keep looking for some different options. It just feels like a constant reminder of the bigger problem- that her brain cannot keep her eyes straight or focused. The first couple of days were okay, but the last couple of days have been, um... not. We are in desperate need of prayer. We are weary of this long, deep valley. He gives... and He takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

I will praise Him more and more.

Proverbs 18:10 "The name of the LORD is a strong tower. The righteous run to it and are safe."

The Wait

2011-03-23T17:30:00.000-07:00

Colossian 1:11

"being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience,"

Wait
by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for tee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

His Power

2011-03-19T18:54:00.000-07:00

This video was shown at the women's retreat I attended. It is SO POWERFUL. I highly doubt there was a dry eye in the room. So moving. Such love.

Sin, shame and struggle SLAM US to the ground.

BUT, HE IS STRONGER.

EVERYTIME.

He was nailed to the cross willingly to carry yourburdens and bring you the FREEDOM that ONLY HE CAN GIVE.

Lifehouse-Everything(video drama) en Yahoo! Video

HE WILL HAVE THE FINAL VICTORY. AMEN!

Not by Sight...

2011-03-15T20:51:00.000-07:00

Awhile back, I saw the devotional "Jesus Calling" everywhere I looked. And 'everywhere I looked' could not recommend it highly enough. It has been every bit of the amazing-ness that I expected. It's written by Sarah Young, a missionary, who describes her journey of becoming a "listener". She talks about how she learned the art of listening to the Lord by sitting, pen and paper in hand, ready and waiting to hear the Lord speak to her. How it started awkwardly and evolved into a beautiful dialogue between her and the Lord. Long story short, she turned her journals into a devotional. She bases each day on scripture and writes as the Lord speaking to you. I. LOVE. IT. It's especially great for busy mornings (whether a Momma or not) when you don't have the time to really sit and be still with the Lord for awhile. Did I say that I love it??!

The Lord has repeatedly spoken so clearly to my heart through the book. Moments of ache, moments of happiness and encouraging words of His thoughts for me. I have been reading the entry for March 11th again over and over since I read it because it is an arrow of TRUTH that pierces straight to the depths of me. But, can't we all use a reminder to WALK BY FAITH, NOT BY SIGHT? This world will never stop telling you what cannot be done. The power of the holy name of Jesus Christ will never stop telling you His power knows no limits. Amen!!

So, here is her journal entry from March 11th. And heres to learning to be a "listener":

"WALK BY FAITH, NOT BY SIGHT. As you take steps of faith, depending on Me, I will show you how much I can do for you. If you live your life too safely, you will never know the thrill of seeing Me work through you. When I gave you My Spirit, I empowered you to live beyond your natural ability and strength. That's why it is so wrong to measure your energy level against the challenges ahead of you. The issue is not your strength but Mine, which is limitless. By walking close to Me, you can accomplish My purposes in My strength."

2 Corinthians 5:7 "We live by faith, not by sight."

Galatians 5:25 "Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit."

Rainy Days

2011-03-10T10:15:00.000-08:00

Grammy bought the kids the cutest rain gear... and with perfect timing!

Zachary needed to make sure his rain

boots were good for puddle jumping.

So, out we went.

"Arrrrrg!"

When Rob gets home from work, Ansley

makes him hold her a good half hour or so.

Notice those eyes cutting at me like, "Don't even

think about taking me away from my Daddy!"

We have Rob's old playtent from he was little

and the kids LOVE to play in it.

The lookout post.

Smushy Face.

My lov-a-bugs.

His Word Sent Out!

2011-02-23T10:00:00.000-08:00

Isaiah 65:24

"Before they call, I will answer.

While they are still speaking I will hear them."

Last Tuesday after Ansley's neurology appointment, we didn't really talk much walking back out to the car. There really wasn't anything to say. We knew exactly how the other was feeling, so we mostly processed internally until we got Ansley buckled in and were sitting side by side in the front seats. Rob broke the silence first by asking me how I was feeling. In short, not good.

As we had expected, her neurologist was quite amazed at Ansley progress and (*note*) how she had shattered every expectation of what her brain would have been capable of at that point. And... well, that's the pretty picture of the appointment. The rest went downhill pretty quickly. In the ten minutes he observed Ansley, she was quiet as a mouse, so he mentioned that he disagreed with the fact that she had 20-50 words (as indicated on her evaluation sheet we brought from her therapist). He went on to talk about the preschool evaluation our county does at age three, and he anticipated her having special needs/delays for language. He went into further detail of what he anticipated her verbal abilities to be in the future and spoke words over her that took life away from her. There is a lot more he said, and frankly it's not entirely neccessary to go into it , but it reminded us a lot of our October 1st appointment when we got her MRI results. It threatened to steal our hope and take away our fight to keep believing in this call that God has placed on our hearts. It hurt, badly.

We very often relate this journey (with Ansley) to a mountain range. We climb through the treacherous conditions until the Lord delivers Ansley to a mountain top. The scenery is blow- your- mind- breathtaking standing on top of those answered (impossible) prayers. It's inevitable, however, when we get to the top that we see the rest of the mountain range in front of us and before we know, we have been shoved down the other side of the mountain and land right back in the mud and darkness of the valley. However, it has been our experience that the Lord reveals Himself and His presence most intensely in the dark places. Psalm 34 says he is "close to the brokenhearted and SAVES those who are crushed in spirit." He has never failed to lift our feet out of that miserable mud and mire and stand us up on the mighty rock of His truth. He continues to gift us with the faith to continue believing. He allows us to be brought down low so that His power can displayed and the GLORY of His splendor revealed when His mighty hand lifts us up.

(This is already getting lengthy, but seriously... you have to read what happened the rest of the day. You have to see how He sent His Word out answered our cries for help before the words even escaped our lips. )

As we sat talking in the car, a few tears came, some frustrated processing ensued... but ultimately, Rob put his hand on my knee and said, "Let's pray." I absentmindedly glanced down at the clock. 10:49 a.m.

Rob had to head back to work, and shortly after arriving home, he texted me to check my email. He had sent me a message of encouragement and hope that the Lord was rising up in him. It really is true that when I am weak, Rob is strong and vice versa.

I really feel God's strength rising up in me. I can feel prayers. This is the journey God has called us to (though we would give anything to trade it in). Scary, and we definitely feel powerless. But this is why God has put us here- So ONLY HE can save us. So ONLY HE can get the credit. If (Ansley's neurologist) says, "Yeah, I think she will be fine. She will go to kindergarten and live a normal life," then there is no deliverance, no mountains cast into the sea, no miracle. We must be fools for Christ's sake. This is the verse that I came across this morning:

"Then Asa called to the LORD his God and said, “LORD, there is no one like you to help the powerless against the mighty. Help us, LORD our God, for we rely on you, and in your name we have come against this vast army. LORD, you are our God; do not let mere mortals prevail against you.” (2 Chron. 14:11)

We are powerless, we know this. But there is no one like our God! to help the powerless against the mighty. We call for help, for we rely on God and in His name and for His glory we continually feel called to come against the vast army of microcephaly and delays. Then we wait:

"The LORD struck down the Cushites before Asa and Judah. The Cushites fled, and Asa and his army pursued them as far as Gerar. Such a great number of Cushites fell that they could not recover; they were crushed before the LORD and his forces. (2 Chron. 14:12-13)

I pray that God would strike down microcephaly, that delays and obstacles would flee, fall, and not recover. That God would CRUSH what is in front of us.

Love you.

Rob

Hope Rising.

Our faith 'bursting into bloom" just as we pray for her brain to do. (Isaiah 35)

Darkness being SHUT OUT by LIGHT.

While I had my email open, I noticed a Facebook message from a longtime friend, (and newly wed!!)Erica. We have known each other since middle school and were roommates our freshmen year in college. She is just the most beautiful, godly woman and such a FUN girl! Prepare yourself for the gorgeousness of this girl...

She told me that "for whatever reason" God had me and my family on her heart and she wanted to see how we were doing. (Reason coming...) She then shared with me that she has the gift of prophecy and how it had manifested itself many times in her life. She told me she had a dream about me that she wanted to share and didn't know what it would mean to me, but hoped it was encouraging.

(I have never had a prophetic message shared over me before so later that night I dug and dug through scripture and was so encouraged by all that I found.)

I got her permission to share the dream, so here it is...

"In my dream, I was sitting with you in a car at night in the Kroger parking lot right across from ***** High School. I was telling you that you were touching so many people with your boldness and courage in your faith. I told you that you don’t even have a clue about how many people that you have affected with the way that you have lived your life and honored God. I told you that you are impacting the world and then I started to cry. I was saying to you that you don’t even realize how your strength has been so encouraging to me and how your hope in God has been such a light to the world. Girl, you are a spiritual force to be reckoned with. Then I started to say to you that God was going to do something HUGE in your life…HUGE! I kept saying that to you. I said, Jordan it won’t just be in this life, but it is also in the life to come. Then at the end of the dream you were talking about the most important aspects of your faith. You got to your very last point and I somehow knew what you were going to say and we said together, “TRUST GOD.” And the dream ended. "

I was already trembling and crying at this point when Erica went on to say...

"Usually when I have a spiritual dream I wake up in the spirit, with the spirit of God around me. I was still halfway asleep because it was very early this morning, but I remember specifically getting a spiritual sense that you were/are having an incredible impact on the Kingdom of God. I saw you entering Heaven and only then realizing the great impact that you had on the world. It was because you are allowing Christ to shine through you in ways that most people never dare—that is a recipe for a world changer. I have no idea what else God is going to do through you Jordan, but I could definitely see you writing books in the future continuing to share the things that God has done in your life. "

There are a few aspects of this dream relating to our life, that Lord willing one day I can share with you, but for privacy issues cannot yet. With trembling hands, I forwarded the message to Rob and text him to IMMEDIATELY check his email. We were both completely speechless. Stunned. I had been so low and the way the Lord sent His word out to us through Erica just absolutely blew us away... then Isaiah 65:24 (at the top) immediately came to mind. And I wondered, "What time did Erica send this message?" I grabbed the laptop and opened Facebook as fast as I could. 10:49. Which means, as we walked in silence back to the car and sat silently hurting, the Lord was sending His word our through her fingertips before we even called for it. And when we went before Him in a desperate plea for deliverance and a renewal of hope, AT THAT VERY MOMENT, 10:49, while we were still speaking.... He heard us.

Job 5:18
"For he wounds, but he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal. "

My beautiful Jesus.

How he delights in rescuing his children.

An Encounter

2011-02-18T11:11:00.000-08:00

This past Saturday, I was able to attend an all day women's conference held at a local church. I had heard the speaker at our church's moms group a few years back, so I knew it was going to be an awesome experience. I told Rob the night before that I was just desperate to hear the Lord speak to me. I knew that I would walk away with pages full of insightful bits of wisdom and encouragement to my heart and soul as a woman, but I needed to hear from Him... specifically to me.

Unless you are new here, you know the burdens of my heart. Those deep places of pain that He leads me through. Grieving the loss of my womb has been more difficult than I knew to expect, even though we had known it was coming for quite some time. And while we're there, let me just say... I KNOW how richly I have been blessed to conceive and birth my two beautiful children. I KNOW what an immeasureable gift that is that many do not receive. That being said, we were not ready to close that door. And of course, the journey we have been marching, trudging, crawling, skipping and leaping through with our sweet sweet. How's that for an up and down?!

Before I tell you what He POURED out over me that Saturday, I have to give you a smidge of background. I'm about 99% sure I've never mentioned on here before that Rob and I have been leading a college community group through our church for the past two years. When I was nearing the end of my pregnancy with Ansley, we were really trying to find a place where we could serve together, as a married couple. We had no clue what to expect walking into it, but it has been the most incredible blessing. We absolutely LOVE it!! So anyway, two weeks before the conference, we were talking with our group about generational sin and the earthly inheritance we receive within our own families. What scripture says about it, how has it played a role in your life... etc. The week before the conference, we talked about our spiritual inheritance. What scripture says about the life we receive in Christ and etc. We got into small groups and posed the question, "What part of your life do you think inhibits you from full acceptance of your inheritance through Christ?" (I can't remember the exact question, but it was something along those lines.) I ended up with two guys, Jack and Danny, and when it was my turn to share, I said I thought that sometimes I really do not accept or realize the fullness and the depth of God's love for me. I tried to explain it terms of parenthood. I gave the example of pulling Zachary in and saying, "Hey, buddy I love you. Do you know how much Mommy loves you?" And him quickly responding, "Oh yea, I do. Can we build a tower?" It sinks into his heart, just as God's love does for me, but how quick am I to say, "Oh, Lord of course I know how much you love me. But seriously, do you see how hard "this or that" is?" How I so often want to figure things out when the moments of pain creep in, rather just resting and soaking in the light of His banner of love over me.

So, back to Saturday. We were nearing the final session of the conference. As I sat flipping through my notes, I had that flitter of a thought that while so much had been affirmed and lifted in my heart through the worship and speaking, I still had not heard that still, small voice. As the speaker began talking, she explained that the worship team was going to play, and that one at a time, we were all going to walk forward and have our feet washed by the volunteer team. I have done this before back in college at the ministry I was involved with, so I was actually pretty excited about it. She was talking about how much the Lord delights in speaking to his children and to ask and prepare for the Lord to speak into our hearts. Tears immediately started streaming down my face, because I knew this was the moment I had been waiting all day for. They told us that after the feet washing another woman from the volunteer team was going to pray over us with no information other than our name.

As I sat waiting for my turn, I feverishly wrote a prayer in my journal. I was so eager with anticipation because I knew the spirit of the Lord would move in those women to speak to me. I KNEW and I could not wait to hear from Him! When I began inching closer in line, I watched the sweet women as they poured water over the feet of their sisters and held their feet as they prayed over them. They looked up and often wiped tears of love off their faces. When it was finally my turn, I sat down, tissues ready. Seriously, as excited as I was, I couldn't have prepared for the moment if I had known what was coming.

By this point in the day, I'm pretty sure I had cried any trace left of mascara off my eyes because my emotions had been so strong all day as I let the Lord wash healing over my heavy heart. I was trembling because I could just feel the Holy Spirit and I knew it was going to be beautiful. I watched as she squeezed the white washcloth over my feet and waited. She smiled up at me and when the skin of her hands touched the skin of my feet, it wasn't three seconds before she began shaking and trembling. In a mere moment, she was full on sobbing. I'm talking shoulders shaking, "ugly cry" sobbing. Though no words were spoken, I'm pretty sure I have never heard from the Lord in such a passionate way. Scripture says that we are the hands and feet of Jesus to other. In that moment, when the spirit in her touched me, she knew my burdens. I watched as she she went from gently touching to my feet, to gripping my ankles until she had her face on my feet desperately grabbing onto me. I was so overwhelmed I truly could hardly catch my breath. She was in the exact position that I get into in my living room floor when it is all too much. I just fall, face down and desperately try to grip onto Jesus to carry me. In that moment of His love being poured out in such beautiful display, he said to me:

"This is where I have been all along. Those moments when you can't breathe and the darkness feels suffocating and you lay there desperately trying to cling to my feet, I am right there at yours DOING THE EXACT SAME THING TO YOU."

Clinging, fighting, weeping with you, sharing in your sorrows and desperate to cling to you so that you know the presence of My Love. The presence of His Love over me in that moment was more intense that I have ever known and it was the deepest and most beautiful display of His love I have ever experienced. I smiled and wept as I was prayed over and heard her pray for healing and that the Lord would reveal how GOOD His plans are for me. Breathtaking Love.

Song of Solomon 2:4

"He has taken me to the banquet hall,

and his banner over me is love."

*******

As far as Little Miss news goes...Ansley's neurology appointment that had gotten cancelled for snow is coming up on Tuesday. Beyond excited! I know the Lord will reveal the depths of His power and mercy over her once more. By the by... yesterday during therapy (SO thankful I had a witness to this), she said (as clear as day), "Go, Dog, Go!!" I cried. Shocker. I was overwhelmed and shared with her therapist the scripture in Jeremiah that we have prayed and claimed for her. She just smiled as I shared that Lord has absolutely reached out to touch her lips and put words in them in spite of what her brain is able to do. All glory to our Mighty Lord!!!! Our God is a God who SAVES!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jeremiah 1:6-9

"Ah, Sovereign LORD," I said, "I do not know how to speak; I am only a child." But the LORD said to me, "Do not say, 'I am only a child.' You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afradi of them, for I am with you and will rescue you," declares the LORD. Then the LORD reached out his hand and touched (Ansley's) mouth and said to (her), "Now I have put words in your mouth."

1st Ebenezer Anniversary

2011-02-01T12:57:00.000-08:00

1 Samuel 7:12

"Then Samuel took a stone and set it up

between Mizpah and Shen.

He named it Ebenezer, saying,

"Thus far the Lord has helped us."

*****

I laid there wide awake at 2 a.m.
(not unusual for my insomniac ways)thinking about this day last year....

The entire month of January in '10 had been horrifying. Truly a nightmare. One appointment after another of crushing, devastating blows. We went into our very first follow up (on Feb 1st of last year) with Ansley's neurologist having felt like we had lost our baby girl. She had just gone away. Shaking all the time, scrunching her eyes and shivering... the joyful angel girl was just not there anymore. We never could have prepared ourselves for that day.
Our first Ebenezer. The LORD had indeed helped us thus far.

We went out to a celebratory dinner that night to celebrate and wanted to do the same this year, but my car is in the shop getting a tune-up : ( Meanwhile, girlfriend is getting some major new toothage and has chewed through 4 pacifiers in the past two weeks. The pacis stay in her crib for sleeping only, so we dont have major drama, but naptime today was no bliss I'll tell ya that! I wasn't planning on taking them away this early, but we are not going to just chew through dollar bills every night while we sleep!!

Anywaaay, that February 1st appointment of last year was our first Ebenezer. Dan had sent us the verse and idea to make that an Ebenezer for our family to remember and celebrate. It was the first time the Lord really revealed the depth of the glory and power He was pouring out over Ansley. It was a confirmation of the call Rob and I KNEW we had received, in spite of everything, and often almost everyone around us, telling us otherwise.

I will never stop being the 'persistent widow' (Luke 18). Do we control our circumstances? No. Does prayer change things? Yes. So often throughout the new testament when Jesus heals, he asks if the person believes he is able and oftentimes follows up by saying something to the effect of "your faith has healed you." All I know is that my lack of faith will not inhibit healing. Sometimes I hesitate to share fully. Which, I know you may be thinking.."uhh, thats a little scary" because I share pretty much all of my heart with you all. The Lord continues to gift us with increasing faith. Some days easier than others, BUT... We believe that the power of the blood of Jesus Christ will fully restore and redeem our angel girl's brain. That is not unrealistic, denial or fill in the blank reason for protecting ourselves from disappointment... that is faith. Belief, with NO doubt.

James 1:6 But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind."

God is sovereign. The end.

******

Just a little Ebenzer Day fun...

Stumbled upon our little stinker like this. I seriously want to burst with joy when I see her like this. Being all curious, climby and mischevious. I have praaayed for mischief. The LORD is so faithful and good.

She struck again.
Poor baby.

The kids are obsessed with playing upstairs.
I say the word and they beeline to the gate to head up.
Laughing at and playing peek-a-boo with herself.

While this monkey jumped on the bed!

(Our camera is about to kick it... sorry these are blurry.)

A good day, indeed.

A New Thing

2011-01-24T19:50:00.000-08:00

The Girl With Many Shoes...

(she is almost always wearing a shoe on her right foot)

Brother's shoes...

Mommy's shoes (which she is saying now!!!!!)...

Daddy's shoes...

And every now and then a double up...

**********

We have been having a lot of random conversations lately about how Ansley is going to be our mischevious one. Zachary was always so cautious and never got "into" stuff. He was never the "I turned my back and there was powdered sugar all over the kitchen" type of toddler. Girlfriend on the other hand.... oh yes she is! She is a climber (praise the Lord!) and Zachary just became a climber like a year ago!

I was emptying the dishwasher and looked over to find her like this...

This her absolute favorite spot to be. Which was all fine and dandy until I ran upstairs to grab socks (30 seconds tops) and heard a weird banging noise coming from the bathroom. I walked in to find her throwing a ball in (laughing hysterically) the potty and then dunking her arms in and splashing. Oh my. Gross! I have to say though... Zachary and I were laughing so hard. It was mind boggling to him that she would splash in the potty and me, well, I just thought it was funny.

Rob made spaghetti on my birthday and it was seriously the messiest child/food experience I have ever seen. She does not kid with spaghetti.

A wrestling match:

Buzz vs. Buzz

Down for the count!

Scooter sharin'

Isaiah 43:19

"See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland."

Consider Him... So that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

2011-01-14T07:17:00.000-08:00

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." (Heb. 12:1-3)

The last few weeks have been really hard with Ansley. As we have said so many times on our blog, we feel like we are running a race that makes a marathon look like a sprint. We often are spurred on and encouraged and pray hard for Ansley, but growing weary and losing steam as we try to persevere is difficult. There are times that we just feel overwhelmed by how much is stacked against her. We have seen mountains crumble and fall into the sea (feeding tube, curved tibia, high tone...), but each bend in the trail seems to reveal new obstacles and new mountains to attack with prayer. We still believe and trust, but just feel weary. Here is what we are up against:

- Ansley's eyes are getting better (praise God), but we will have to get glasses. She has peripheral blind spots, an underdeveloped section of her eyeball, drifting gaze, and has astigmatism. Her follow up evaluation next month will reveal more information.

- Ansley has been recommended to add weekly physical therapy sessions because she is having trouble with overall body balance and is showing stiffness in her hips.

- Ansley is still in weekly occupational therapy sessions to work on fine motor skills. She is doing well here, but is still a little behind.

- Ansley has just started weekly speech therapy sessions to work on her language. We are seeing her vocabulary increase but she still has not jumped the gap from "approximations" to "articulation" (going from "mamamamama" to "Mommie") with any consistency. We have yet to see her language explode and take off the ground. This is the most important cognitive development for her right now.

- Ansley also meets with her developmental specialist weekly. She is doing well, but still is showing delays in several areas.

As you can see, we often feel as if we are surrounded by obstacles (and therapy sessions! Now 4x weekly). It is hard to stay focused day in and day out--session after session--appointment after appointment. We haven't given up, we haven't lost hope, we are just so incredibly tired (physically, emotionally, and spiritually.) We still trust God, and we still feel called to pray boldly and pray God's word over her. We know that this is the "race marked out for us." But we are weary of this constant fight. Especially Jordan. She goes through all the therapy sessions while I am at work. We ask that you pray for each of these items--that God would answer "quickly" (Luke 18:7-8). And pray for us to "fix our eyes on Jesus...so that we will not grow weary and lose heart." (Heb.12:1-3) Also pray for us to have the wisdom and time to escape from the world of developmental therapy and just have some fun with our beautiful little girl.

Jericho

2011-01-07T12:36:00.001-08:00

These pictures are going to be all over the place. It's just a lot of lately...

A few Christmas outtakes that capture the true essence of Zachary and Ansley's relationship:

Do you see the JOY that ooooozes from my girl?

LOVE!

****

Christmas was a sad day for spatulas.
I introduce you to her new love...

Very excited about Buzz Lightyear wings! (You can see Ansley's got her own "comfy chair" from Grammy and Pappy--just like Zachary at his second Christmas.)

Girlfriend preferred sitting on her presents as she opened them (phone).

She did put the phone down, however, to take her new baby for a stroll.

A typical wrestling match (phone).

And a little hide-and-seek (phone).

Zachary playing "shootin' guns" with Uncle Kevin and Uncle Scott

on Christmas Day.

IFSP Goal #7 (Individualized Family Service Plan-

through our area Early Intervention Program)

To climb in and turn to sit in chairs (both adult and child.)

Check!!!

(Classic big brother choke hold pose)

Check!!

********

JERICHO

We sat in the car, the day after Ansley's eye appointment, silent... fighting for hope...fighting for courage... hoping for the LORD to gift us with the faith to keep believing and stir up His leading to pray boldly once again. My mom had called that morning saying why don't we bring the kids over to hang out with her and my Aunt Paula for awhile so Rob and I could go be alone and process.

Since Ansley's diagnosis and the Lord's leading to claim His word over her, we have been going to 'this place'-sitting in the car- to pray. To pray His words of truth, promise and hope over her. To pray for her brain to burst into bloom. To pray for the doors of 'this place' to be opened for her. To pray for 'this place' to be a place where the glory of the LORD is revealed. A place for the power of the mighty hand of God to be shown strong and limitless. A place where our girl will SPEAK the name of Jesus and make His gospel known.

(Quick filler info... if you've been following us for awhile, you will have seen many references to the journey of the Israelites. We find much similarity in their journey and ours. A few examples being the LORD calling the people to recount and remember His hand of deliverance.. to remember His miracles.. to press on being "VERY strong and courageous" in the belief that the LORD had called and led them to "walk by faith, not by sight" holding onto the hope of the promised land. It also serves as a lot of conviction in the moments when we gripe and complain about our circumstances or feel tempted to the "woe is me" mentality.)

Whenever we drive by 'this place' we are always commenting that we need to walk around the building instead of just praying in the parking lot. We are always saying we want to claim it as holy ground. Another resemblance (documented in the book of Joshua) in the journey of the Israelites trudging through the wilderness to the promised land is the city of Jericho. Joshua had been told the land would be given to them in spite of it being heavily armed and guarded by an impenetrable wall surrounding it. 'This place' is our Jericho.

(eventual phone pic here once we can figure it out)

It is the elementary school we will be zoned for (once we move that is... another post- haha). And don't worry... we most certainly pray for our boy when we are there, too. We have seen incredible changes in Zachary over the last year through the praying of specific scriptures over him. (again... another post : ))

So, on that particular day, we got out of the car. We had not taken five steps onto the grounds when the Holy Spirit began stirring up great depths of hope and courage again. Every step brought more boldness and confidence in praying that this "Jericho" would be flattened by the mighty hand of Jesus Christ for our girl. We believe that He is the SAME yesterday and today and forever (Heb 13:8). It is about believing the word of God is true, in its WHOLE... all yes or all no. You are for Him or you are against Him. There is no in between. We praise God for His sovereignty and say out loud that we trust His will and plan for our lives. We submit wholeheartedly to who He says He is and the irony is.. it gives us MORE courage to believe in who He says He is and to pray His word with boldness. So, like the Israelites, we spent the next six days (which fell over Christmas break for Rob and the school!) walking around the building and praying over it once each day. We walked through snow and rain and left many tears, laughter and scripture (written in the snow- it was beautiful and amazing) at that place. On the seventh day, our familes (that were in town) joined us to walk around the building seven times and pray over it. We then gathered at the doors to all pray together at the end. It was absolutely overwhelming how present and physically tangible the presence of the Holy Spirit was. His power was there. And it was strong and mighty.

And... are you ready for this? Ansley's eyes changed during that week. The drifting is still present, but noticeably different. She made eye contact from across the room with me and from lengths away. That has NEVER happened. That would typically be too great a distance to not have her eyes drift. Her pretend play (HUGE cognitive ability and goal) increased dramatically, her words increased and her overall awareness just seemed more "there". All in the power of the name of Jesus Christ, who is living and dwelling among us. He is alive and His word is living and active. He has shown His power once again in our girl. He is knocking down walls.

I never actually took my camera, but I took some pictures as best I could on my phone and once we can figure out how to upload them- I'll put them up!

Six years ago...

2010-12-30T08:01:00.001-08:00

We were getting ready to be married!

The 6:00 chimes sounded and down the aisle we went. I was trembling!!!

Husband and wife!

This picture makes me laugh. I had asked for sparking white grape juice because I can't stand the taste of champagne (or any other kind of alcohol for that matter). I originally had a cup of juice, but it somehow got switched. I was pretending to drink a sip after each toast : )

Running through sparklers...

We have AMAZING things, seriously, to tell you about what the last week has looked like. I will try to get the story up soon. What a story the Lord is unfolding! My little girl is going to tell the world the marvelous deeds and the mighty, limitless power of our God!!

Her eyes and our hearts

2010-12-21T09:24:00.001-08:00

We know this day all too well. We know sitting in that fluorscent doctor's office with tears in our eyes better than we'd like. Today was another one of those days. It was Ansley's first opthomology appointment and it was crushing. We went because it is common to have vision problems with microcephaly, but also because of Ansley's drifting gaze that we have mentioned before. The doctor confirmed that both of her eyes do drift on occassion (she categorizes this into three stages). The first third have drifting occassionally and can sometimes be helped with glasses or eye patching. The second third drift often and will most likely need surgery and the third group is already at the point of needing surgery. Ansley is between the first and second group. Her eyes are mostly stable, but she could potentially need a surgery to strengthen the muscles of her eyes. The problem, as explained to us, is rooted in her brain not correctly keeping her eyes "still". The news only got worse from there. Upon further examination, the lower region of her eyeballs did not form correctly in the womb. This has resulted in Ansley having periphral blind spots. From what she could tell, her direct line of vision is intact and functioning properly (Praise God!), but a few spots on her periphrary are "blind". Her estimate was that Ansley's blind spot is in the top part of her eyes. Similar to if you are shading your eyes from the sun. If she needs to see up, she would have to look up or tilt her head up. She will have a more thorough vision exam her next visit (in 2 months). In addition, these problems can also lead to retinal detachment which would cause severe vision impairment and need surgery. She will have to be monitored regularly to make sure this is not happening. We also found out she has astigmatism. As a result, Ansley will need to start wearing glasses and follow up with later tests. The news feels like more than we can bear.

We have been here before, but, in all honesty, it doesn't make it any easier. There are a lot of people who treat Ansley's story as a difficult season we went through when she was born, but now "everything is fine". Nothing could be further from the truth. Our fight for Ansley in prayer is a struggle day in and day out. God has done great, miraculous things, but is a daily struggle to fight overwhelming fear, paralyzing grief and sadness, anger... all of it. To have to continually, over and over and over lay our daughter down at the foot of the cross with hope and expectation of God's power, but with submission to His sovereignty. Every milestone and every miracle that you read about is trudged through by fierce prayer and deep places of desperation and pleas before the throne for mercy and power to be poured out. Oceans of pain and grief that only the Lord can bring us out of. It is daily that in my time with the Lord, He wraps Himself around me as I weep through this. I know that He weeps with us. I know that His presence if covering us and will pick us up, stand us up on our feet and push us forward with hope and the ability to keep moving. Keep walking in this dark, cold valley and keep clinging to His light that makes the dark places go away.

I drove away screaming, sobbing and shattered. We have been highly emotional this past week anyway--our first Christmas without Dan, and facing the reality that we can't have anymore (biological) children and our hearts have been crushed under the weight of this day. This news. If there is one thing I have learned walking through grief, it is that the Lord desires our hearts. A broken and contrite spirit. He doesn't desire us to stuff pain away because we are suppossed to be happy. Happiness does not mean JOY. We rejoice IN THE LORD, because He is faithful and good, but that does not mean we are not to grieve or have sorrow at times. Our hope comes from knowing the Lord's love will never fail us and that He is faithful and good because His word says so. The scripture that says all things work together for our good doesn't mean life is going to be "good" in the sense of happiness, it means He is working our lives out to make us more like Christ.

So, we ask that this Christmas you pray boldly for our daughter. We have found so much power in praying scripture over Ansley, that we looked up what we could for you all to pray in her name for God's glory.

PRAYERS FOR ANSLEY: Pray we would believe God is able: "As Jesus went on from there, two blind men followed him, calling out, “Have mercy on us, Son of David!” When he had gone indoors, the blind men came to him, and he asked them, “Do you believe that I am able to do this?” “Yes, Lord,” they replied. Then he touched their eyes and said, “According to your faith let it be done to you”; and their sight was restored." (Matt. 9:27-30) Pray God would have compassion on us: "Jesus stopped and called them. “What do you want me to do for you?” he asked. “Lord,” they answered, “we want our sight.” Jesus had compassion on them and touched their eyes. Immediately they received their sight and followed him." (Matt. 20:32-34) Pray that we would have faith to pray boldly: “What do you want me to do for you?” Jesus asked him. The blind man said, “Rabbi, I want to see.” “Go,” said Jesus, “your faith has healed you.” Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus along the road." (Mark 10:51-52)

Pray Ansley's sight would be restored to full clarity: "Once more Jesus put his hands on the man’s eyes. Then his eyes were opened, his sight was restored, and he saw everything clearly." (Mark 8:25) Pray that this mountain was placed here so that God might display His works to the world through healing our daughter: "As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him...“Go,” he told him, “wash in the Pool of Siloam” (this word means “Sent”). So the man went and washed, and came home seeing." (John 9:1-7)

(Also pray that her language would move forward.) Thank you and please keep us in your prayers this difficult season. We have seen a curved bone that was "not necessarily" a sign Ansley wouldn't be able to walk straighten out as she grew. We have canceled a feeding tube appointment because our baby who "couldn't swallow" immediately began to eat. We have seen high tone that required several minutes of stretching to bend Ansleys knees completely disappear. These things give us courage, but still--the battle is so tough. Pray that Ansley's sight would be another one of God's miracles.

With God ALL THINGS are possible" Matthew 19:26

Living Water

2010-12-11T22:55:00.000-08:00

John 7:38 "Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him."

The doctor said it would only take about thirty minutes. I walked back to the waiting room almost trying to make myself cry, but it wouldn't come. There was just too much peace. I sat down and weighed my options of flipping through Golf Digest or People to pass the time. The woman in front of me, twenty years my senior and clearly waiting on the same thing, seemed to want to joke with me about the situation, but I found no humor in it. After awhile, distracting myself just wasn't enough... I needed to just sit with Him. I thought about receiving Ansley's diagnosis and shortly thereafter finding out that if we chose to conceive again the chance of a recurrence of microcephaly was 25%. For awhile, it wasn't even an issue we addressed. There was too much grief to even go there yet. When we finally began to talk and pray, the answer was clear. Why would we ever willingly risk the health of our child in that way? Why would we risk putting Zachary through what he has had to endure again? Why would we willingly risk the next baby maybe not having enough brain tissue to survive outside the womb? All for what... he or she having Rob's eyes? My curly hair? How could ever willingly make that choice?

Rewind two and half years...

Jason and Holly, my brother and his wife, had called us asking if we wanted to come hear their friends from church talk about their future ministry opprotunity. They were in the process of raising support to go into full time orphan ministry. I went expecting to be touched, write a check, play with the kids and head home. But instead, as I sat and listened, the Lord wrecked me forever. That day absolutely changed my life. Mrs. McB (http://growingmcbs.blogspot.com/) told a story of being in an orphanage halfway around the world. This particular orphanage was a place where children lived often because their families were unable to care for them. Every Sunday, they would dump a huge pile of nice clothes in the middle of the floor for the children to change into because their relatives came to visit them that day. Mrs. McB watched as this precious, two year old little girl threw elbows and dove for this one dress that she wanted to wear for to look beautiful for her Mommy. She then told us that she sat with that precious child at the gates all day waiting for a Mommy that never came. I looked over at my two year boy playing with his cousin in the backyard and it all clicked in that moment. The Lord made my heart come alive for the orphan in that moment. A moment I had no idea was planting the first seed of love for my future child(ren). I understood (albeit a TINY glimpse) why our Savior commands us as the body of believers to care for the orpans. Because my ache in that moment over imagining my precious son having to endure such a moment made me realize how infinitely more the King weeps over His fatherless children. We knew, before Ansley ever came along, that we wanted adoption to be a part of our family.

Fast forward back to yesterday..

. It had been fifteen months of praying and aching and weeping over the decision, but the Lord continued to give peace. NEVER once a moment of doubt for either of us. Doesn't mean it was easy... oh good grief, no, but there was peace in it. Confident peace. I sat in that waiting room remembering what it was like seeing my precious babes up on that ultrasound screen for the first time and I wept. I remember exactly where I was and exactly how it felt when my two loves moved inside of me for the first time. Sacred treasures. I hold so dear the moment I saw each of them after laboring for them to come into this world. My heart has never know so much love in such an instant. There is an ache and a healing to lay at the foot of the cross, but it will come. Even though I know I will never feel that first movement of life inside of me again, there is a stream of living water running through the very depths of my soul that will never run dry. A fountain of life to fill me up. Because at the end of day, I am His and He is mine.

Psalm 36:9 "For with you is the fountain of life..."

A Season for Prayer

2010-12-10T03:53:00.001-08:00

I felt led to take a moment to ask for you all to lift us up in prayer. We know we are approaching a season with a lot of difficulty and emotional struggle. Can't go into much detail, but the days ahead, as weird as it seems to say this, are filled with a need for "extra" prayer. I read this passage from Spurgeon's Morning and Evening and was very encouraged.

"The early saints, that they dared to do at God’s command things which carnal reason would condemn. Whether it be a Noah who is to build a ship on dry land, an Abraham who is to offer up his only son, or a Moses who is to despise the treasures of Egypt, or a Joshua who is to besiege Jericho seven days, using no weapons but the blasts of rams’ horns, they all act upon God’s command, contrary to the dictates of carnal reason; and the Lord gives them a rich reward as the result of their obedient faith. Would to God we had in the religion of these modern times a more potent infusion of this heroic faith in God. If we would venture more upon the naked promise of God, we should enter a world of wonders to which as yet we are strangers. Let Jeremiah’s place of confidence be ours—nothing is too hard for the God that created the heavens and the earth." (June 30th, PM)

We ask that you pray: for Ansley and us to act on God's commands, contrary to the dictates of human reason. Pray for obedient and heroic faith. Pray for us to hang our hearts on the promises of God's word and thereby enter a world of wonders of which we are yet strangers. (I feel as if we have gotten a taste of this wonder in the past year, and we find ourselves yearning for more.) Pray for bold confidence that nothing is too hard for our God. Pray for spiritual protection and resilience to survive a difficult season.

Thanks and we couldn't walk this journey without your prayers.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

2010-12-01T11:12:00.000-08:00

Well, I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving. We had a great time camping out with Jan, two of Rob's brothers, Kevin and Scott and Scott's wife Dre. It was such a peaceful and enjoyable time. It almost felt sort of like a vacation for a few days! We had lunch with Rob's family and went to dinner with mine, so we were stuffed by the end of the day! And unfortunately, I took ONE picture : ( I was cooking all day though, so I have an excuse, right?

We started a fun family tradition last year going to a local set up of Christmas trees, fun Christmas crafts and lots of fun decorations! One of Ansley's therapists gave us several free tickets, so that was great. Thanks, Mrs. M!

Daddy with his girl in her Christmas dress

Zachary insisted we beeline for the cookie decorating station, so away we went

Zachary actually wanted to ride on the bench on the carousel! Oh, that boy!

Getting the two of them to look AT the camera while making sure Zachary doesn't give Ansley too tight of a choke hold AND smile.. phew!

*****

We got our tree on Sunday afternoon. Zachary was beside himself in excitement to get everything set up. He informed me and Ansley that only firemen could get the tree out of Daddy's truck to bring it inside. Us girls waited inside the warm house : ) One of us more willing to oblige brother's request than the other!

Our firemen getting the tree all set up in it's stand.

(Christmas tree smell- Oh, how I LOVE you!)

*****

Girlfriend having some fun pretend play (goal) and looking A LOT like brother! Rob, Zachary and Ansley are three little look-a-likes. I often joke with Rob that maybe our adopted children will look like me! Haha! And yes, we are adopting!!!!! I could burst! That's a WHOLE other post- long story, lots of our hearts. Coming soon!

Playing a little chase.

Gotcha!!!

Oh my love. I have spent ages trying to find sweet, itty bitty little clips for my sweet's hair. She yanks those slipperly little bows right out. I finally found some at Kroger of all places!

"She's got the joy..."

Ansley, where is your ear?

Where is your hair?

Where is your heart?

Where is your tongue?

And my personal fav... Where is your nose?

And don't think she won't do this to you if you ask her where your nose is!!!

Shutterfly

2010-11-29T06:57:00.000-08:00

Wow, I am so excited! Shutterfly is offering 50 FREE holiday photo cards to ALL bloggers! I love sending out Christmas cards each year and have always done so with Shutterfly. They have a ton of great options for Christmas or New Years cards at a great price. It's so fun to browse all their great designs. http://shutterfly.com/cards-stationary/christmas-cards All the spending this time of year can add up, so Im thankful Shutterfly has given bloggers this awesome opportunity!

We have used Shutterfly in the past for many different things and I have always been so thrilled with our results. I can't tell you how many times I get emails for 50 free prints, a free calendar or free photo book. They recently did a free calendar promotion and they turn out awesome.
Check them out to see about getting a great calendar for the upcoming year. http://shutterfly.com/calendars

Shutterfly goes way beyond just Christmas, too. They have adorable photo cards for things such as baby annoucements. http://shutterfly.com/cards-stationary They also have amazing photo books-which is my personal fav. They often send out emails offering FREE photo books. These books are not cheap, so it's an awesome deal. I was able to make Rob a beautiful Father's Day book for just the price of shipping last year! It is definately a treasured keepsake!

Bloggers, click here for more information on how to get your 50 FREE Christmas cards! http://blog.shutterfly.com/5358/holiday2010-blog-submission-form

Please Pray With Us

2010-11-22T17:33:00.000-08:00

I read this passage this morning and was really humbled thinking about how it applies to our life:

"Who am I, O Sovereign Lord, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far?...For the sake of your word and according to your will, you have done this great thing and made it known to your servant. How great you are, O Sovereign Lord! There is no one like you, and there is no God but you...your servant has found courage to offer you this prayer. O Sovereign Lord, you are God! Your words are trustworthy, and you have promised these good things to your servant. Now be pleased to bless the house of your servant...with your blessing the house of your servant will be blessed forever." (2 Sam. 7:18-29)

I found myself humbled by how much God has done in Ansley's life. It is amazing how many times He has shown up and shown Himself strong and mighty. We are so thankful that Ansley is doing so well. We are starting to get into uncharted territory as far as Ansley's diagnosis goes--meaning Ansley's progress is becoming more and more unheard of for her condition. The "best case scenario" was to make it a year before big delays and signs started showing up. At 17 months and still age appropriate, we are more and more able to say with full confidence that Ansley is what we have always known her to be--a miracle. But, her progress has not been accomplished without the power of prayer. Therefore, we have decided to place Ansley's official 6 month goals out for all of you to pray specifically for her (plus some ones we added at the end ;) While the following list may seem completely random, they are a combination of gross motor, fine motor, balance, coordination, cognitive, social, linguisitc, and mental development. They represent an array of developmental progress. These are her developmental goals to be accomplished by April of 2011:

1. Learn how to go down stairs (safely that is!)

2. Kick a ball consistently without falling down

3. Gain better balance (She is getting better everyday)

4.Increase vocabulary to more than 50 words (She is at about 20 right now! Praise God. Pray for more clarity, articulation, and consistency).

5. Follow two and three step commands. (emerging skill.. meaning she is beginning to do it)

6. Use a neat pincer grasp to pick up small objects. (emerging and improving leaps and bounds)

7. Stack items during play. (emerging)

8. Drink from on open cup. (We aren't too worried about this one. Jordan and I laugh that we will wait until the TEIS cleaning specialists offers assistance to meet this goal!)

9. Begin sitting at the table in her own chair

10. Increase problem solving skills.

11. Increase ability to feed herself with a spoon.

12. Begin feeding herself with a fork.

13. Imitate household chores (She has starting swiffering as of recent! Very cool development and very cute!)

14. Begin showing ownership of her toys (begin saying "mine")

15. Taking and sustaining a bite on her own. (emerging)

16. Begin putting on shoes. (emerging)

17. Begin taking off shoes. (emerging)

---

As for our list: Continue to pray that God would prevent Ansley from having seizures, her language would explode before our next meeting with her neurologist, God would give us courage and endurance, spiritual protection, keep our hope strong, and continue to use Ansley's story to tell His story of redemption and restoration in what feel like hopeless situations.

Thanks so much for joining us on this journey! We have been able to go into Ansley's last two six month evalutions with everything checked off the list. We pray the same for her next one in April.

Giving Thanks

2010-11-15T19:20:00.000-08:00

Ephesians 5:19-20

"Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ."

I'm so thankful to spend my moments and days with my treasures. All of us parents have moments that drive us to the brink of insanity, but the joy... oh the joy children bring. Sometimes it seems so taboo to talk about the struggles of parenting; like no one wants to admit the realities of how difficult it can truly be at times. But, it is ridiculous how much the difficulties are trumped by the moments that you'll remember forever. The late nights in the rocking chair, the laughter of sibling love, the things that come out of their mouths (!), the questions they ask that melt your heart, when you begin to see a desire for God in their little hearts... treasures.

When I wake up in the morning with the mindset of making my day with them about bringing praise and worship before the Lord with the way I mother them, it's outrageous how differently our day goes. Especially in those challenging discipline moments. Zachary has such a strong will and there is a thick, black line between breaking a child's will and breaking their spirit or tearing them down with words. Discipline is a crucial time to press in with love. It's hard sometimes to find the balance between being firm and stern, but doing so in love. Especially when you feel like you're going to go stark raving mad : ) Grace.

******

Zachary walked around laughing hysterically at himself for a good twenty minutes listening to different sounds in the stethescope.

I'm sure you can imagine the sounds that a 4 1/2 year boy might come up with

One of our many "follow the leader" games came shortly thereafter. Ansley simply grabs onto whatever Zachary is holding and he drags her behind him while they both laugh their little heads off.

And oh dear... I consider you warned before viewing this next photo of Rob's annual tradition. After he is over growing out his beard, he trims it down piece by piece. All he needed was a cowboy hat and he could've walked onto a western movie.
I present... the Fu Man Chu (sp?):

Girlfriend has a new trick...

Turning, tuuuurning...

She did it!

Psalm 68:34 "Proclaim the power of God..."

By the way... did you notice the chair in the background of the fu man chu picture? It is missing it's seat cover. Why? Because that was the starting point of our weeking stomach bug-fest. I was in the kitchen when Zachary started screaming. His stomach came up and up and up in the chair before I could move him. Poor guy. He had a rough night and the next morning it was my turn!! Lucky for me it was the weekend so Rob was home to take care of the kids while I was unconscious in bed! We are all better now and thank the Lord Rob and Ansley did not get it!

Come and See!!

2010-11-09T11:43:00.000-08:00

Psalm 66:5

"Come and SEE what God has done,

how awesome his works in man's behalf!"

We have prayed so often in our pleading for Ansley's deliverance and healing that Rob and I would have the opportunity to spend our lives sharing Ansley's story. Pleading that if the Lord gave her this merciful healing through the great display of his power, that we would forever be bondslaves (in a good way!) to being obedient with our lips and telling of his marvelous work in her. Well, today I got that chance! My sister in law, Holly, is the leader of a moms group at a nearby church. Their theme for the year is "Testify" and Holly asked me to come testify about God's power and share our story. I was so excited at getting the chance to share what the Lord has done in Ansley's life, but also nervous out of my mind trying to prepare! I don't know of too many of us who are all that comfortable with public speaking! But, I felt confident in knowing the Lord would accomplish His purposes in bringing Himself glory and praise through His glory in Ansley's story. They had a morning and an evening session, so it was double duty. One beautifully surprising thing was how much calmness the Lord just washed over me. I was literally going nuts the entire week before in nervousness, but that morning I was just excited to share and really wasn't nervous at all! Another HUGE shocker was that I not shed a single tear. Im typically a sobby, weeping mess when I share our journey and aside from getting shaky voiced a few times, I had dry eyes! So so thankful for today!

"Our God is a God who saves..." Psalm 67:20

Random story for this next picture... For those of you who don't know, when Ansley was about a month old, Rob sliced the tip of his thumb about 95% of the way off with a tablesaw. I ran to get our neighbor to stay with the kids while Rob shoved his hand in a bucket of ice. We live relatively close to an ER and had a humorous moment while flooring it, flashers a-blazing down the road. We turned onto the main road and as I was going about 70 m.p.h. a motorcycle passed us! I looked at Rob, who was as calm as a cucumber because it seems to be physically impossible for him to fret, and said, "Hm, well maybe he cut off his thumb, too." We laughed. Then he said he was getting lightheaded, so I focused back on the task at hand. No pun intended : ) Anyway, it was rough little ER visit (obviously more so for Rob than me who had to get multiple shots inside the openness of his thumb). When we got home later that night, I made sure Rob was comfortable in bed with all of his fashioned pillow elevation devices around him (the dr. said it HAD to stay elevated while he slept) and went downstairs to the 4 week old sleeping in the pac n play.
I remember being so incredibly shaken and feeling terrified to go to sleep. What if Rob called for me and I couldn't hear him? What if something happened to Ansley? I grabbed my Bible and opened it and had one of those moments where you are just so overwhelmed with how ALIVE God's word truly is to us. My eyes immediately saw Psalm 4:8 that says, "I will lie down and sleep in peace; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety." Great moment. It became a verse I pray over my babes everynight at bedtime and when those pesky nighttime battles (nightmares, fussing etc) come. So, all of that to say... I love this shirt. And the girl wearing it. Not in that order.

Songs of JOY!

2010-10-26T19:40:00.000-07:00

I know, I know... I've been a terrible blogger lately. I'll make up for lost time in this incredibly long, picture heavy post! We're gonna keep it lighthearted here on this one people (I know, don't choke). Just picture stories of what we've been up to lately.

So... random thing you should know about me is that I MUST have LIGHT. I like all windows open with light streaming in during the day and lights ON at night. I'm sure my dad is shaking his head right now as I called their house a dungeon the other night when I went over there because it was so dark. Well, the reason you need to know this random fact is so you can appreciate more fully the mommy patience it takes to enduuuuuuure Zachary's latest love. Closing the blinds in the middle of the day (groooooan) so that he can light the way with his flashlight since he is a fireman. If you don't get that, you're not alone. I baked by the light of the stove during Ansley's nap. Mommy points. Haha!

What has Little Miss been up to lately, you ask? Oh, well let me just tell you. Little Miss has developed herself a little um... shall we say, spunk? Her 'spunk' is known to strike at any moment the wind shifts in the slightest direction she does not care for. Case in point - the duration of a minute:

DRAMA:

JOY:

DRA-AMA:

Don't worry... I put the camera down and much loving ensued...

We won't refer to them as fits. We will call them her "fiesty flare-ups."

But Little Miss has been up to a little (lot) of this...

Her most favorite new love is SHOES. A game she plays is walking over to our extremely organized pile of shoes that we leave by the garage doors and bringing the appropriate shoes to their owner. Hello cognitive!!! And she does this all day long. I probably put my shoes on 37 times a day. She is in love with all shoes of all kinds and wants to wear them all day.

Exhibit A:

Here she comes saying, "Momma, Momma..."

"Seriously Mom, put down the camera and help me."

Are Zachary and Ansley still as in love as ever you ask?

Yea huh.

Well, what else does Zachary like besides being a fireman?

Wrestling... always lots of wrestling.

And apparently now smiling for cameras instead of running from them!

He also loves pulling Ansley around in this mini wagon, though I've yet to get a picture of that actually taking place : )

There might also be some "heated sibling interactions" over this grocery cart.

And just for good measure... overalls cuteness!

And just in case you were wondering if Ansley is still obsessed with her spatula?

That would be a YES!

I'll be a better blogger now!

Fall Break at the BEACH!

2010-10-07T17:44:00.001-07:00

We were originally planning to leave for the beach on Saturday, but were SO happy to delay our departure because our nephew asked Jesus into his heart! He was being baptized this past Sunday, so we told Zachary we were going to go celebrate first. My brother, Jason, hadn't even raised Tyson out of the water yet when Zachary asked if we could leave for the beach house : ) We love you so much, Tyson, and are so proud of your decision to follow Christ!

So, off we went to Pappy and Grammy's villa. It only took us 8 1/2 hours to get down there and it was a totally chaos free trip. Oh... hallelujah!

A little early morning stroll on the golf course. Pink race car pjs are totally golf course dress code right, Pappy?
We looked both ways for golf carts!

There is a marina at the back of the neighborhood. We always love walking along the docks.

It took a lot of convincing for Zachary to walk out on this "bridge"

One of the many sleeping positions you might find Zachary in:

Jan, Rob and Ansley. We were SO excited to have Jan with us for a few days! Zachary and Ansley sure do love their Grandma!

We had to restrain girlfriend from leaping into the ocean.

She is all about some splashing in the water!

An action sand toss shot.

BEAUTIFUL Ocean. I could stare all day,

but that doesn't quite work with a 4 year old and 15 month old.

Sharing a special treat with Grandma. She asked Zachary if he wanted to pick out something from the candy shop (of course he said yes) and he chose a purple flower lollipop. He will deny this choice when he gets older for sure!

Little Miss would have been perfectly content without any toys this week. All she needed were her black shoes. She carried them around all day!

Playground fun...

Big mound of grass?

Seriously bumpy slide. Warning: Bums may go airborne.

See-saw

Digging in the sand. Who needs a giant, blue shark shovel???

We had fun at lots of different restaraunts. Zachary got a special strawberry kids drink. Personally, I think it tasted like a fruit roll up liquified, but he loved it!

Girlfriend prefers a table by the bay, thank you.

The Lord is stirring MUCH in our hearts right now that we are very excited about.

My heart is so full.

Psalm 150:2 "Praise Him for His mighty deeds;

Praise Him according to his excellent greatness."

October 1st... Darkness to LIGHT!

2010-09-30T19:11:00.000-07:00

One year ago on October 1st, we received the most heartbreaking, crushing news of our lives. The results of Ansley's MRI. I will never forget desperately asking her neurologist if it was still possible for her to live a normal life. He slowly and compassionately shook his head and said, "No, I'm sorry, that would just not be possible. The deficits of her brain are just too significant." We could barely make it through the appointment as we discussed what her brain would most likely be capable of.... if ever. I'll never forget walking back out to the appointment desk to make our follow up for the next six months and I began falling apart. I couldn't hold back anymore and the sobs just started overtaking me. I remember wanting to scream at all the nurses behind the desk looking at me like I needed to get a grip. But then, our neurologist walked over to me and put his arm around me and held a box of tissues in front of me. I reached out to grab one, barely able to breathe, and he said, "Go ahead and grab another for the ride home. It's ok to cry. This is going to be alright." We are so unbelievably thankful for such a compassionate, caring doctor. We were on the eve of Rob's fall break and had a beach trip planned, but we cancelled it because we were just too heartbroken. Dan and Jan offered us a cabin to getaway as a family for a couple of days and it was wonderful. We had just send out our "state of the union" email to all of our family and friends stating that after a brutal 24 hours, we felt the Lord was stirring a hope in us to call upon His word and claim His promises over Ansley for a healing one milestone at a time. We layed out on the deck of our cabin one night looking up at the stars knowing the the Creator of this universe who holds all things in the palm of His hand was able to heal our precious girl. And so we began our journey. Fast forward one year... October 1st has become an Ebenezer for our family. We are leaving for the beach and this year Jan is coming with us. We are SO excited to celebrate together! It is no coincedence that Ansley had her bi-annual early intervention evaluation today and she tested mostly at a 15-17 month old level. She is 15 1/2 months old. She is behind a little bit in her fine motor skills, but we are going to start occupational therapy soon to help. The OT evaluating her felt strongly that if we hit it hard that she will progress quickly and not need therapy for more than a few months. Lord Jesus... You have chosen to shower your limitless power and mercy on our Ansley and we will sing your praises and proclaim what You have done for all to hear!!!!

Isaiah 12: 2-6

"Surely God is my salvation;

I will trust and not be afraid.

The LORD, the LORD, is my strength and my song;

he has become my salvation...

Give thanks to the LORD, call on His name;

make known among the nations what he has done,

and proclaim that his name is exalted.

Sing to the LORD, for he has done glorious things;

let this be known to all the world.

Should aloud and sing for joy, people of Zion,

for great is the Holy One..."

"My whole being will exclaim, 'Who is like you, O Lord?'" (Ps. 35:10)

So here we stand, one year later with a healthy, age-appropriate 15 month old! The "normal" that was "impossible" one year ago is slowly fading away in light of God's awesome power and merciful compassion. Our whole beings exclaim- "Who is like you, O Lord?"

"God, who gives life to the dead and calls into being that which does not exist. In hope against hope he believed." (Rom. 4:17-18) God has called our little girl to life one milestone at a time. We thank you so much for journeying with us this past year in prayer and believing with us in hope. We can't wait to see where God takes Ansley by Oct. 1st 2011!

****************

Because I can't do a post without pictures...

The many faces of Zachary:

Little Miss : )

Mommy intervention needed PRONTO!
(Golf club in hand poised for attack)

Roasting hot dogs

Just another day... Just another wrestling match. She is one tough cookie!

Please notice the absolute JOY on her face... loves her brother!!

Getting to be a pro with the spoon!

A little scooping action...

And a little slurping action...

Zachary got a mini tent last year for Christmas from my parents and it is currently set up in the living room. They are all about "relaxing" in it.

One of the rare, blissful naps with me and my boy! This particular nap only took 45 minutes of him elbowing me in the face and kneeing me in the stomach... to finally fall asleep 5 minutes before Ansley woke up.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-09-15T19:06:00.000-07:00

Ansley's First Year - PRAISE GOD!

2010-09-05T05:51:00.000-07:00

We put together a video to show all the great things the Lord has done in our daughter's life. We praise God that we can celebrate His mighty power displayed in our little girl. We look forward to making another video in year! Praise God for hope in Christ Jesus! (you have to pause the mixpod at the bottom right before playing video so the songs don't overlap)

Lifting my eyes..

2010-08-26T16:36:00.000-07:00

Psalm 121:1-2 "I lift my eyes to the hills-

where does my help come from?

My help comes from the LORD,

the Maker of heaven and earth."

I'm sorry it's been so long since I have posted. I have had much to share, but every time I have sat down to write everything out... I have either deleted everything or just hesitated to share. Rocks are falling off of this mountain in front of us, but it often feels like they are also simultaneously piling up on the top again. One of the main two reasons I have hesistated sharing is because I just don't want another parent to read about Ansley's progress and it make them feel upset about their own child's lack thereof. That breaks my heart..seriously. I know how that pain feels...and I am meeting more and more people who live with that pain... but my hope is that, if anything, Ansley's story would give great courage in our mighty and strong God and His power to shatter impossible. Because that is what He is doing, through the power and mercy of Jesus Christ...SHATTERING impossible! The effects of microcephaly are disappearing in the shadow of the cross.

The other reason I have hesistated sharing is because of the condition of my heart. I have been heartbroken.. I have been peaceful and full of hope and yet I have also been so paralyzed with fear I can barely breathe... but mostly, I have just been grieving. This is such a season of deep pain and suffering. A season, that I know unless the Lord delivers healing, could continue until we come face to face with Jesus. I feel like I live in a constant state, every moment of everyday, trying to keep a see saw perfectly balanced. One side is believing with every fiber of my being that my God is greater than this diagnosis, that HE says what my daughter's brain will be capable of, and that His power is limitless. On this side, my whole heart and soul stands on the truth of scripture because there is no other life- no other hope. Christ is it. He is who the Bible says He is, and I believe that through Him all things are possible. I believe, that through the power and mercy of Jesus Christ, my Ansley girl will be healed and set free... on this earth.

The other side of that see saw... oh darn that other side!! The other side is knowing I MUST be at peace if the Lord does not grant healing to my angel until she comes face to face with Him. In order to be at peace with that, I must go there. I must acknowledge the realities of this disorder. I cannot pretend they do not exist, or there is no need for desperation and pleas before the throne for something ONLY the power of God can accomplish. If I pretend and refuse to acknowledge that she might not be healed, then where is the risk? I believe God desires His people to take risks for His glory. I am willing to risk everything for Him. My God conquered the grave. He can conquer microcephaly. Of this- I AM SURE. This tension of balancing these two completely opposite sides brings us to Christ. We are so unbelievably incapable of understanding the great mysteries of Christ and He gives us these tensions to draw us into Him and search for understanding. Im sure you have these kind of "tensions" in your life in some way or another. They are meant to make you seek the throne!

We are in such a deep and desperate valley. And here is the thing.. valleys are not meant to be enjoyed. We are not suppossed to walk this journey having it "all together" and being "okay". It is supposed to break us. It is suppossed to knock us off of our feet. If we spend the entire time trying to climb out, we miss the purpose in which the Lord has taken us there in the first place. We MUST embrace the valley, because it is there that we find the sweetest communion with Jesus you could possibly imagine. I am sure that anyone who has gone through tragic, life altering sufferings will agree that there is no greater time you feel the presence of the Almighty King than when you are walking with him in the depths of despair. This valley is dark, cold and at times completely isolating. BUT.. our God is walking in front of us. He is leading us, guiding us and He will NEVER let our feet slip. (Ps 121) (Isaiah 58:11 "The Lord will guide you continually..") He will never let us fall into the depths because His hand never lets go. THAT is how you find victory in Christ. Psalm 139:18 tell us that the Lord's thoughts for us outnumber the grains of sand. He cares for every tear and pain. Knowing that while everything around you may be the most devastating heartache you could ever have fathomed falling upon your life, Jesus has gone before you.. He will be with you wherever you are going.. and He has already won the battle.

We know the Lord has called us to tell Ansley's story. There are times I just dont want to share the things that are breaking my heart. But the enemy wants us to suffer in silence. When we speak about our struggles and share them with other believers, that stronghold is BROKEN! There is so much freedom in sharing our struggles with other believers. So.. first, I will tell you the amazing, astoundingly wonderful news: ANSLEY KATE IS WALKING. Can I tell you I just completely burst into tears seeing that?!!! MY ANSLEY IS WALKING! A precious gift we knew may never be possible. According to her MRI, it would be expected for Ansley to be probably sitting up by now.. reaching across her midline for toys and maybe starting to laugh and have some interaction with us. That is what her brain is capable of. Do you see what the power of Christ has done?! SHATTERING impossible. Claiming the TRUTH of His word over her.. He has shown Himself limitless. She is up to a 13 step record at this point. Little stinker sits down every time I get the camera out, but we will put up a video as soon as we get one : )

On the flip side.. (The OTHER side of the see saw) The difficulty right now is that Ansley has begun looking past us. She has started drifting her gaze to look over our right shoulder when she looks at us, instead of making eye contact. She still does make some, but there is a noticeable change happening. The second concern is that she has started rolling her eyes in the back of her head. Its just for a few seconds, and we can always get her attention when it happens, but it is unbelievably terrifying. (I have to say again that I know there could be a parent reading that could have it so much worse, and think these things sound like nothing compared to what they have gone through.. and I know that doesn't compare. But, this is where we are today with Ansley.) In her story- and I must share it. Ansley's left foot used to be so stiff that it was impossible to bend with all of our strength. Her tone used to be so bad that we would have to massage her legs and feet for half an hour before we could bend them. The Lord has made it disappear and today... she walks. ONLY BY THE POWER OF JESUS CHRIST. This is just one example of the countless effects of this disorder He has done away through His might. We are praying for Him to still this current storm as He has so graciously done with every other effect she has had. Fix her gaze on us again, still her eyes from shaking and rolling... and in the meantime fix our gaze on Him through the pain of seeing her do it.

******

Onto something happier.. my sweet sweets : )

Oh, the love.. beware.. Girlfriend goes for open mouth kisses : )

He sure does love his "gwurl"

Spatula

Just some handyman learning with Daddy...

Homegirl learning to drink from a cup! This has been an unbelievable deliverance and HUUUUUGE answer to prayer!

About two or three times a week I can convince Zachary to take a nap with me on the couch while Ansley sleeps. I love it. These cuddle days won't last much longer! I have to enjoy them!

Recent trip to the Bass Pro Shop

Shootin guns..

Zachary loves reading to Ansley.. such a sweet big brother. That is.. when he lets her touch the book he's reading her and doesn't end up making her cry when he yanks it away. Haha!

New favorite game.. peekabo in the curtains. She thinks it is the funnest game ever. She has only pulled the curtains down once ; )

All in a Day

2010-08-08T18:41:00.000-07:00

A little game of 4-wheeler. One of Zachary's favorites! Usually Rob and I are the 4-wheelers, but Ansley loves when she gets a turn on Brother!

Lots of giggles... music, music, music!

Zachary and Ansley are so playful together and have the sweetest relationship. He does this squeeze thing to her face all the live long day. She -as you can see- loves it..

Hysterical laughter fills the room with these two. My rascals. Oh, love them.

Ok, girlfriend is OBSESSED with this spatula. She loops her thumb through the hole and it is like an accessory.

They have started "wrestling" with each other. There are often a lot of "gentle" promptings towards the little man, but he usually does ok.. and again with the laughter. Bliss.

Zachary often entices Ansley to join him in wrestling by putting things in his mouth and taunting her with them. Never fails.

Note.. the spatula.

Oh.. and their new favorite game. A back and forth of the highest pitch squeals their little vocal chords are capable of. It actually (as long as we are at home) is quite funny. It's social for my girl.. love it.

Girlfriend's favorite hang out spot. The books!

We love us some storytime I tell you. All.day.long.

I have no recollection of what was happening in this picture, but I thought it was funny so here ya go. He is never short on drama.

Crayola Adventures: Take One

"Hmm.. tap, tap, bang, BANG!"

"I've got a better idea for this Momma.."

"Yep, it's much better to chew on than to draw with."

And.. cue bliss.

The boy and his guitar

This is how Little Miss greets me everytime she wakes up. Standing up on the bumper and as close to the door as she can get just waiting.. waiting for someone to come in!

Post naptime serenade. Love.

And.. a duet. Note the clean laundry pile that has been there several days.

Okay... a week.

Love this.. she doesn't know an attack is a mere moment away!

(Spatula)

"I'll get you back, Brother!"

Needing Your Prayers

2010-08-05T17:59:00.000-07:00

I know it has been a little while since we have updated you on Ansley. The last month has been so hard. Obviously, we are processing and dealing with the loss of dad (Dan), which in and of itself is emotionally taxing. On top of that, Ansley has been on a plateau for the last month. She has more or less stayed the same over the last several weeks and we feel ourselves craving the next milestone to bring some joy to what has been an extremely difficult month.

First off, we do want to thank the Lord that Ansley has been her normal, bubbling over with joy self (which always makes everything better!) And she has accomplished a few new things (pushing buttons, increased social awareness, more appriopriate language usage). So, we praise God for these things and recognize that "every good and perfect gift comes from above." (James 1:17)

Secondly, we really need you to focus your prayer on a few milestones that have been slowly creeping along. We are seeing improvements, but they are vvvery slow. Pray that God would burst through these barriers in a way where only He can get the credit.

The desert and the parched land will be glad;
the wilderness will rejoice and blossom.
Like the crocus, it will burst into bloom;
it will rejoice greatly and shout for joy...
they will see the glory of the LORD,
the splendor of our God. (Is. 35:1-2)

1. WALKING. Ansley took her first step yesterday without losing her balance. She was so proud of herself standing there after taking a step forward. She is cruising more and standing constantly. But in a weird way, walking seems so very close yet also so very far away at the same time. For Ansley, pray: "in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, WALK." (Acts 3:6)

2. DRINKING. Learning how to drink out of a sippy cup has been a long process for Ansley. We have been working on it for months and she has gotten better, but she is only drinking a few ounces of milk per day. Please pray she would start "chugging"!

3. SELF-FEEDING. Ansley is eating more and more things beyond puree, but often seems pretty uninterested in feeding herself. Her portions are hit or miss. Sometimes she eats well and sometimes she doesn't. This, combined with her struggles drinking, cause us to ask for your prayers for her nutritional needs. Pray she would have an increase in desire to self-feed, ability to self-feed, and appetite.

4. EVERYTHING ELSE! Keep praying for her language, cognitive growth, social development, physical growth, etc. AND - please keep praying for her mom, dad, and brother. This takes a toll on all of us and we need more of Christ to endure this journey.

thanks.

Moving forward..

2010-07-27T08:05:00.000-07:00

We want to say thank you to everyone who has poured out their love to our family in the past two weeks. There is such a peace in knowing Dan is free from his struggle with cancer, but we will of course miss him terribly. We do not want to move on, but just rather move forward. Rob left me a note this morning in our journal about an awesome word he received from the Lord and I want to share it with ya'll:

"This is something I came across in my devotion, and thought I would share with you all. I was reading and came across this verse:

"Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live." (Deu. 4:9)

I sat on that verse for a while. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that for me the greatest challenge that lies ahead is to "watch yourself closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen." In a sense, there are challenges that lay ahead (grieving the loss of dad, explaining to Zachary and Haley why they can't see PaPa anymore, taking care of mom, figuring out who to call when my car makes a weird noise, etc.)
But, God convicted me that my biggest challenge that lies ahead is to not forget how much the past two years have changed me. It would be very easy to retreat to routine and regularity, but to do so would negate so much of what God has taught me. I have changed so much in the past two years because of all that I have seen and God challenged me to allow those changes to take root in this new season. I don't want to go back to the way I was before, but I realized that I will have to be intentional to avoid retreating to routine and normalcy. I will have to "watch myself closely....as long as I live."

I thought it was something I would share because of how much it applies to all of us. Anyway, I hope you get what I am saying.
rob"

Dan's legacy will always be carried on through his four boys. We cherish the time we had with him and now we move forward to our new normal. We are certainly used to trying to find a "new normal" in our house. Thank you again for the messages, texts, emails, phone calls and outpouring of love and support.

*********

Zachary and Ansley are such wonderful therapy during difficult times. They give us so much perspective and bring so much JOY during this season.

Our "sweet sweet"

Zachary and I made some homemade playdoh yesterday and had a blast! We sat at his little table for the entire length of Ansley's nap!! So much fun!

Those of you who know me well will particularly enjoy this next one.. Zachary insisted we make this one..

Yes, that is an Eiffel Tower. I've already got Zachary asking Rob to go see it : ) Someday little buddy!!

And by the way mommas, this play-doh recipe was the best one I have ever tried. So easy, fast and perfect results!

Homemade Play-doh:

1 Cup flour

1/2 cup salt

1 cup water

1 tb. cooking oil

2 tsp. cream of tartar

Mix everything in a pot on Med-High heat. Once smooth, add a few drops of food coloring and stir constantly. It will turn to paste in about 2 minutes.

Dan Going Home Celebration

2010-07-23T06:53:00.000-07:00

All of you are welcome to join us in celebration of Dad's homecoming. The service will be Saturday @ 6:30pm @ Fellowship. This will be our "receiving of friends". We would love to have you there worshiping with us.

Dan's Battle and VICTORY!

2010-07-16T17:49:00.000-07:00

Well, if you have read our blog more than once, you probably know that Rob's dad, Dan has been battling cancer for the past two years. The time has come for him to be with his Savior. He entered hospice care yesterday.

You will notice in the video (at the bottom) that Dan has had many adventures and he always reaches the top of his conquest and snaps a picture with a victorious fist pump into the air and a "Yeah, buddy!" I can see him now, approaching GLORY and having his ultimate victory IN JESUS CHRIST! That is what the past two years have been for him, showing that no matter the affliction, the hope of Jesus Christ will be enough. He wanted to die in a manner that was worthy of glorifying the name of Jesus Christ, and through His power.. he has done so.

Rob and I have grown so close to Jan and Dan in the last year and have learned so much about walking through deep valleys with victory in Christ. They always said that God doesn't expect you to be happy all the time walking through deep tradegy.. He just wants you to run TO Him and NOT AWAY. Such freeing advice when going walking through painful circumstances!

I always take so much comfort in the life of David as well. God was so pleased with David in spite of David's vast shortcomings. David shook his fist, he wailed and poured his heart's cries out before the Lord. He was a man after God's own heart.. and the Lord was pleased. What pleases the Lord is giving Him our hearts.. no matter the emotion. He knows them anyway.. so why would we try to hide them?

Psalm 51:16-18 " You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise."

In the past few days, seeing Dan's condition worsen, the HOPE OF GLORY has brought much comfort. We have grieved, and we certainly will grieve.. , BUT there is hope in Dan receiving the crown of LIFE in Heaven.

1 Thessalonians 4:13-14 "..We do not want you to.. mourn like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and ROSE AGAIN and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him."

This passage has brought such great comfort to Rob. God certainly does not expect us to not be sad and feel deep sorrow for the loss of Dan. Jesus himself wept over Lazarus.. He knows how deep the sorrow is, He simply desires for us to know the HOPE of the glory Dan will receive so very soon. And to rest in knowing Dan will soon receive the crown of LIFE and the eternal treasures he has spent a lifetime storing up in Heaven.

Dan has left an amazing legacy. He is such a great man of faith, wonderful, loving husband and AMAZING father. One of my favorite aspects of Dan is his beautiful gift of loving children well. Especially his four boys.

(In a 'macho men' shot from Kevin's graduation a few years ago)

He showed his boys what was most important in this world.. family. His legacy lives so strongly in Rob with Zachary & Ansley. Rob is so so much like his father, which I am so thankful for. He lives so sacrificially for Zachary & Ansley and is the most loving, doting father. Nothing matters to him more than loving those children (and me of course) well. And let me tell you.. HE DOES!!!! He learned it all from Dan.

I could go on and on about this wonderful man, but I will let the video do the rest of the talking. One of Rob's brothers, Kevin, made it awhile back as a tribute to Dan's life. It's set to a upbeat song and shows the full and abundant life in Christ Dan has had.. Enjoy!

"Dan the Man" (scroll down and hit pause on the playlist to the right before you play the video below)

How BIG is Our God??

2010-07-08T08:06:00.000-07:00

SOOO BIG!!!

This is a game we play with Ansley (started way back when Zachary was little). We ask "How big is Ansley?" and she holds her hands up high -- "So Big!" We thought it would be a cute title for today's post.

"The one who calls you is faithful and He will do it. Brethren, pray for us."

1 Thes. 5:24-25

*****

Ansley's Neurology appointment went really well today. We walked out of his office with a feeling of peace and calm. It seems each trip to neuro has us walking out of his office with a completely different emotion! But anyway, here is how the day went.

1. Ansley took her first "step" this morning! It's hard to fully claim it, but this morning, after praying fervently that Ansley would take her first step before this appointment...she did!! Five minutes before walking out the door! She stepped forward one step towards Jordan while standing fully on her own. The only thing that makes it a little tricky is that Jordan's hands were touching Ansleys (not holding her up, just fingertips lightly touching.) So, a little iffy, but what the heck. We will count it! Praise the Lord.

2. The neurologist was so complimentary of Ansley's progress. He said she was doing "amazing" and continued to roll right along. He said he was very pleased with her progress and "couldn't have asked for her to be doing anything more than she is currently doing." We shared our faith and how we have called on the power of Jesus' name and found scriptures to pray over her. He responded, "Well, if it's the power of the Lord, her specialists, her own development, or a combination of all three, whatever it is...It's working!" We know who is pulling all the strings!

3. Another fear we had was the fact that Ansley is barely growing. She is barely taller and heavier than she was 6 months ago. He got a growth chart and plotted all the data he had on her growth and felt comfortable that she was progressing forward on a normal growth chart (albeit, her curve is significantly smaller than the average kid). Failure to thrive is not uncommon with microcephaly and our fear has been that her body is showing signs of it. But, he felt that right now he was not concerned with her growth at all! This was very comforting.

4. Secondly, we continue to pray against the possibility of Ansley having her first seizure. By God's grace she has not. We asked what caused them and he explained that there are approximately 40 billion neurological cells all functioning through electronic impulses and when something gets off track (somewhere in between cell #1 and cell #40,000,000,000!) a seizure can occur. How big is our God?! How amazing is it that as you sit and read this, you have 40 billion cells in your brain that maintain equilibrium and allow higher order thinking...and no seizures to boot? And we are all here because some dust particles collided billions of years ago? Because a cell emerged from spinning dust, turned into fish that crawled up on land, turned into a monkey and now here we are? Seriously? Some people think we are crazy for trusting in Christ's work on calvary and believing the Bible is God's word....but isn't the alternative option complete insanity? Sorry, for the tangent. Anyway, Ansley is prone to seizures because of the malformity in her brain. Statisically that means she will be much more prone to seizures. BUT, statisically, these times of seizures (rooted in brain malformity) tend to occur earlier in life. So, he told us that with each day we move forward and Ansley does not have a seizure, it decreases the likelihood she will ever have a seizure! Praise God! Pray that God will continue to balance and maintain equilibrium in her brain.

5. One cool thing our Dr. said was that: "If I handed Ansley off to another neurologist and told him or her to examine Ansley and did not pass over the CT Scans and the MRI results, they would be unable to find anything wrong with her aside from having an undersized head."

6. Perhaps some of the best news was hearing that social awareness is one of the biggest indicators of cognitive development at Ansley's age and she is right on! He was extremely pleased to see her social development thriving. He wanted to see her crawl across the room (on the nasty floor, oh my word) and said he was so happy to see her "age-appropriate and then some." Thank you, Jesus! He also mentioned that at her age the receptive language is much more important than the expressive language. Even though she is right on track with words (which is amazing and the power of the Lord touching her lips), the fact that she understands and responds to what we say to her is huge!!!!!

All in all, we have a very peaceful and hopeful feeling for her future. Praise God. Hooray!

"Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away." (Is. 35:10)

Ansley's latest pleasure is clapping and she LOVES to clap after every bite!

PRAYER REQUESTS

1. Ansley has been in a feeding rut and continues to struggle feeding herself. Pray God would breakthrough this wall and increase her appetite and her desire to self-feed.

2. FIRST STEPS! Ansley is sooooooo close to walking. Pray God would give her steps.

3. Language. Ansley has about 5 words right now. Our neurologist said the biggest thing we are looking for in the next 6 months is a language "explosion". She will go from having 6, 7, 9 words to 50. If you have had kids you know what I mean. Pray that Ansley will break through that barrier. "Then the Lord reached out His hand and touched my mouth and said to me, 'Now, I have put My words in your mouth." (Jer. 1:9)

Lettie

2010-07-03T21:39:00.000-07:00

Would you please, take a moment, and pray for this angel girl? I've never really done this before on our blog.. but my heart is so heavy for this family. Anytime I hear about a sweet child's brain.. my heart tears in two. Lettie had the entire right side of her brain removed at Vanderbilt on the 29th due to intense, daily seizures that were not stopping with treatment. We need little Lettie to RISE in the name of Jesus from her slumber. Please, would you take just a moment to pray for this sweet child of God to WAKE UP and for her brain to RISE in the mighty name of Christ?!

Romans 13:11 "..The hour has come for (Lettie) to wake up from (her) slumber.."

http://thebrittonslife.blogspot.com/

ONE WEEK!!! Mountains are moving..

2010-07-01T17:15:00.000-07:00

Warning: This post is long and has a lot of pictures, so you might need to grab a snack or caffeinated beverage to make it through.

The last Habitat work day for the house in honor of Dan was this past Saturday. Zachary wanted to make sure he had all of his work gear on so he could help put the finishing touches on everything. I didn't tell him he's only allowed there at lunchtime when all of the tools are turned off : ) He told me to call him 'Builder Zachary'.

It gives you insight into the kind of man Rob's dad, Dan, is when after having so many people ask him what they could do to help.. he wanted everyone to help someone else.. in his honor. This house was intended to built as a memorial to Dan, but he was here to see it built and personally dedicate it to the glory of the Lord!

*************

Zachary's birthday was on the 29th, so here are some pictures from his party and the big day!

Daddy taught Zachary how to sneak some icing off the back of the cake when no one was looking.

He was a fan of the idea..

The boy was seriously so excited about the presents. What four year old isn't??

BUUUUUUZZ!!!

Our Minnie slept through the party and only made her appearance after everyone left.

**********

One of Ansley's birthday gifts was this little cow that plays music and such when you squeeze it's belly. She is obsessed with it and her "baby". I kid you not.. she drags them around with her all day long.

Birthday Morning - His new bike!!!

Tearin up the cul-de-sac!

We went to Dan & Jan's to share Zachary's birthday with them and had a great time. Ansley had the most beautiful laughing fit while sitting in the high chair. All I was doing was breathing loud. It was amazing music. We have always said she has the joy of the Lord exploding out of her and you can see it here. I'll try to upload the video later. Last time I tried to do that, it took seven hours and still didn't work, so we'll save it for another time!

Documentary of a Birthday Smore:

First, you lay out your crackers..

Then, you pile on the chooocolate..

You MUST first taste the marshmallows to ensure their quality is just right..

Then make a big ole' pile on top..

Heat - then cheers...AND..

DIVE IN!

Uncle Kevin & Z-man

Zachary will now demonstrate how to immensely enjoy your smore..

It might just make you feel like a kid again...

************

Ansley has a new scrunchy face that she loves to make all the time. (Notice the cow)

She's got the joy, joy, joy, joy..

down in her heart..

*****

GRAND FINALE.......

Little Miss has been standing up from the floor without holding onto anything!!!!!! She did it for the first time a few days ago, and thankfully Rob and I were both sitting there to see it. She did it again this morning and was SO proud of herself! Mommy and Daddy clapped for her forever. The Lord is moving in her everyday. Her feet are finding themselves flat and strong so much more often. They are on the floor and we are rarely seeing her going up on her toes like she used to. She is getting more and more solid by the day.

Isaiah 35: 3,6, 10

"..steady the knees that give way..Then will the lame leap forward like a deer..water will gush forth in the wilderness and streams in the desert.. gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away."

We can see God moving so clearly in her to make her feet and ankles strong in the mighty name of Jesus!!! Thank you so much for your prayers and support!!!! ONE WEEK FROM TODAY we meet with her neurologist!

It has been SO exciting since we made the post for everyone to specifically pray for our sweet little girl to take her first steps. For a few weeks prior it seemed she was making no significant progress towards walking...BUT since we made the post to pray for her to walk.. in the past week and half she is taking HUGE "strides" each day.

1. She started crusing down the couch and coffee table.

2. Then, she started letting go to stand on her own.

3. Then, she started standing up on her own without pulling up on anything.

4. Then, she started letting us walk her, by holding onto her hands (previously, she would just sink to the floor whenever we tried it.)

5. All the while, the stability of her feet and ankles is becoming more consistent.

GOD IS MOVING MOUNTAINS...KEEP PRAYING!

I'll leave you with the activity of the day. Ansley kept putting her stacking block in her mouth and shaking all around, dancing and crawling. So, Zachary immitated her and they were crawling and dancing all over the room like this. It was so cute.

A "step" in the right direction..

2010-06-24T16:36:00.000-07:00

God is moving.

Undoubtedly so.

Ansley cruised (walking while holding onto something. Couch, coffee table, wall etc) the entire length of the couch and back today! I really can't help but laugh everytime I see those little legs moving. Step..step..step.. It makes our hearts burst with joy!

Rob took Ansley to physical therapy for the first time yesterday to experience what it's like. Her therapist said she is looking great and at one point, while talking about Ansley learning to walk, said, "Who knows, she might just surprise us and just do it." Rob smiled. One of her favorite things is letting go of what she is holding onto. If you watch her, you can tell by the look on her face she knows she is doing something and she can stand longer and longer. She can stand independently for about five seconds now before she slowly lowers herself to the floor!!!

So proud of herself!

Zachary and Ansley both love playing in the water, and since it has been OUTRAGEOUSLY hot outside, it's the only way to go!

A little water table fun

Zachary is at the age where he could care less that he is in a pink princess pool : )

But, he makes up for it by doing manly things like "washing" the car

Our little fish

One of Ansley's obsessions is playing with Zachary's (toy) cell phone.

She is so giddy and excited when she gets away with it. Until...

Brother comes and takes it back : (

"Sorry gwurl, you can't chew on my phone."

*********************

So many of you have messaged/ e-mailed us your encouraging support. We can't tell you how awesome it is for us to know we have people standing with us, encouraging us, and praying for Ansley's feet to move in the name of Jesus! We knew this would happen, but we would ask for your prayer against spiritual warfare. A lot of people get weirded out by the topic, or like to pretend is doesn't exist, but it is very real. It is not exclusive to preachers or missionaries.

1 Peter 5:8 "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. "

He wants to stop this. He does not want us praying for God to show His power and he will do anything he can to "steal, kill and destroy" (John 10:10) us. You can easily identify spiritual warfare by John 10:10. Does a thought steal, kill or destroy you? Or does it give you life? The good news is we have the power, through Jesus Christ, to make evil flee.

James 4:7 "..resist the devil, and he will flee from you."

Literally, since we hit 'publish' on our last post to ask you to join us in praying for Ansley to take her first steps before her next appt, we have been under a lot of warfare. In the past three nights, every night, Ansley has been awake anywhere from 3-4 hours screaming, crying, babbling and just not sleeping. Zachary, Rob and myself have been having nightmares and it has been absolutely exhausting. It is obvious.

Thank you again for your prayers and unbelievable support. It means so SO much to us. Keep praying for our little girl to arise in the name of Jesus and WALK!!

Pray the "Impossible" with us...

2010-06-21T17:16:00.000-07:00

With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." (Matt. 19:26)

This is a post that me and Jordan have heavy on our hearts. There are only 17 more days until we meet with Ansley's neurologist for her next appointment (July 8th). We have been praying nonstop since our last appointment in February for this day and it is quickly arriving. After the crushing blows in June (2009) and October, we came away from the February appt. rejoicing. Her neurologist was AMAZED at what Ansley could do. Part of that journey was you all joining with us and praying very specifically for Ansley's deliverance through God's power.

"I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them." (Matt. 18:18-19)

We have seen UNBELIEVABLE POWER when the saints come together in Christ's name. We are so blessed and unexplainably grateful that every single thing that we have prayed would happen in Ansley's life by July 8th would happen HAS happened...everything except for: her taking her first steps. We have wrestled with putting a post up asking all of you to pray very specifically that God would be glorified by giving Ansley her first steps. But, be it fear, doubt or spiritual attack, we have been hesitant to do so. Then, a series of events happened today.

1. Ansley met with her developmental specialist who constantly calls her a miracle and jokingly asks, "Now, why am I here again?" Today, we told her that we continue to see little progress with Ansley's "cruising" (walking with hands on coffee table, couch, wall, etc.). After she left we confided in each other that it really was looking like Ansley was not going to take her first steps by July 8th. Then, I set Ansley standing on the coffee table and she cruised from one end to the other--and then back again! She has never come close to doing anything remotely like this before! I called for Jordan who came running down the stairs with the camera... and Ansley did it again!

2. A friend sent us a post about a Doctor in Africa who received miraculous medical supplies at the 11th hour in the middle of the jungle. This doctor had been in Africa for several years without having received anything from home and a package was delivered that had been sent five months prior. A little girl had prayed so specifically that God would deliver the two specific items she asked to be sent that day. She prayed with unwaivering belief that the Lord would deliver the items they needed that day- because tomorrow would be too late. Then, the doctor quoted Isaiah 65:24: "Before they call I will answer." We got teared up reading the story about God's amazing provision...then Jordan said, "Wait a minute--It is five months since our last appointment with the neurologist...five months since we decided to start praying for Ansley to have taken her first steps by July 8th. "Before they call I will answer."

3. Then, just now as I am writing this post and looked up Isaiah 65:24 for an easy cut and paste (I know because it is such a long verse to type out!) My eyes caught the verse just above it:

Isaiah 65:23
They will not toil in vain
or bear children doomed to misfortune;
for they will be a people blessed by the LORD,
they and their descendants with them.

Wow! My heart stopped. I sit speechless. How awesome is our God?

So, I know it is crazy, impossible and insane (but that is becoming the norm for our beautiful little girl!). Please Pray everyday for the next 17 days...

God would be glorified by Ansley taking her first steps by July 8th.

"In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk.' Taking (her) by the right hand, he helped (her) up, and instantly (Ansley's) feet and ankles became strong. (She) jumped to (her) feet and began to walk. Then (she) went with them into the temple courts, walking and jumping, and praising God.When all the people saw (her) walking and praising God...they were filled with wonder and amazement at what had happened to (her)." Acts 3:6-10

Birthday Girl!

2010-06-17T18:19:00.000-07:00

One year ago today..

At 9:00 a.m. my doctor induced me..

Three hours and one broken tailbone later...

Our lives were forever changed..

**********************

I warned Rob last night that I would probably spend the entire day crying, but I only cried once! Why do I attempt to do things like make a toast to my girl on her special day and think I won't cry? I would never miss out on making that toast though ; )

Ansley's celebration was amazing. We had a lot of great family and friends join us to celebrate and it was such a special day. We spent so much time in those early weeks and months wondering what it would be like at Ansley's first birthday. Wondering where we would be.. where she would be. It is the undeniable power and mercy of our Lord that has given her the precious gifts of life that she has. So celebrate we did!!

We planned a (sparkling grape juice) toast to proclaim that where we are today is ONLY by God's grace and mercy. He has shown His healing power in our baby girl. And yes, this was said speech I mumbly cried my way through.

The festive stuff. Thank you again to Lee Wayne and Shirley for the BEAUTIFUL roses!

The front door with Isaiah 35 welcoming everyone

Opening Papa and Grandma's gift

Smiling up at Daddy while singing Happy Birthday!

Cake time!!

Cousins - Zachary and Tyson

The four us

We pray that this time next year, we will again be celebrating the limitless power of our God on Ansley's birthday. Next up.. Zachary's Mickey Mouse Birthday!

Sweet Summer

2010-06-12T19:56:00.000-07:00

We have been looking forward to summer for months. Rob is off work and we just get to spend all of our time together doing fun things! We have been playing..

splashing..

and napping. Oh.. lovely napping : )

***********

We recently took a fun little trip to a special place for us and had a BLAST! This is where Rob and I met, went to school and lived when we first got married. Seriously, such a fun place with so much fun kiddo stuff!

They have the BEST kids museum. We literally spent the entire day there and it was so. much. fun!

I mean what kid doesn't love shooting water guns???

Ansley was enthralled with the little baby section. So much fun texture, color and climby stuff. The girl was in heaven : ) She has started sniffing when she sees flowers because she knows what they are. Amazing. Thank you, Jesus!

One cool little man. Haha!

Ansley Ansley everywhere!

Don't worry Mom, this is not nearly as much of a death hazard as it may seem.. haha! This is the awesomely (not a word, Im aware) amazing waterfront area. Zachary was all about the "waterfall stairs". Zachary loved it!

The one still moment of the trip.

Zachary thought out hotel room was pretty much equivalent to Disneyland apparently. We had so much fun in there! We may, or may not, have climbed up on the back of the chair, pretended to be trees, cut ourselves down with chain saws and yelled "TIMBEEEEEER" as we crashed onto the bed.

I wouldn't be able to confirm...

whether or not...

this actually happened.

Thank you Dan and Jan!

**************

Ansley's Celebration is on Thursday from 5-7. We would love to see you there!

Count It All Joy

If You Need to Laugh...

A Breakfast Treasure

A JOY-full song!

The Redemption House

Stay Tuned...

A microphone & the zoo

The JOY of the Redeemed

Beyond Explaining

Thursday

Babe of my Heart

It's time to tell you...

SOLD!

A Friend in Need

My Hiding Place

Summer Adventure Series-Z's Bday (Day 1)

Summer Adventure Series - Z's Bday (Day 2)

Zachary's Present Reveal!

Zachary's Party

Ansley's 2nd Birthday - Our God Saves!

THE present!

Summer Adventure Series I

You're Invited!

Low Tide

Acting Foolish?

Spriiiiiing!

The Cry of My Heart

One Day Without

Makin' Soup

The Vision Consultation

*Sigh*

The Wait

His Power

Not by Sight...

Rainy Days

His Word Sent Out!

An Encounter

1st Ebenezer Anniversary

A New Thing

Consider Him... So that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Jericho

Six years ago...

Her eyes and our hearts

Living Water

A Season for Prayer

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

Shutterfly

Please Pray With Us

Giving Thanks

Come and See!!

Songs of JOY!

Fall Break at the BEACH!

October 1st... Darkness to LIGHT!

Wordless Wednesday

Ansley's First Year - PRAISE GOD!

Lifting my eyes..

All in a Day

Needing Your Prayers

Moving forward..

Dan Going Home Celebration

Dan's Battle and VICTORY!

How BIG is Our God??

Lettie

ONE WEEK!!! Mountains are moving..

A "step" in the right direction..

Pray the "Impossible" with us...

Birthday Girl!

Sweet Summer

Sigh